It was a bit difficult to focus on last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood given the show aired only an hour before many of us would find ourselves distraught and angered after a smug, condescending prosecutor informed us that Darren Wilson would not be indicted for taking the life of the unarmed Michael Brown. If nothing else, though, the show was a distraction, and after watching it again this morning to really take it in, I’m ready to unleash.
I don’t know who is responsible for the sad state of affairs that is Soulja Boy’s emotional health, but hopefully he learns to communicate his feelings beyond blocking your boo thang on social media. Nia, perhaps in vain, tried to explain to Soulja Boy once more why she felt abandoned by him. After attempting to rationalize his distance by noting he had to keep his fans in mind—ergo, why he paid her no mind despite suffering a miscarriage—Nia refuted that nonsense with, “I lost a baby. Tou should’ve been there for me.”
Soulja Boy goes on to say, “We both took a loss,” but he is emotionally challenged; a child who honestly doesn’t seem to be in the position to be anyone’s father right now.
Nia, when your man effectively says “You had a miscarriage with my child and I was so sad about it, I blocked you on Instagram,” it’s time to toss that heart in a UHaul, and drive away—probably to old Mary J. Blige or new K. Michelle.
One person who doesn’t have any problem expressing her feelings is Hazel E, only her feelings are still seasoned with too much stupid and silly. I was with her when she reached out to Teairra Mari to try and mend the rift in their friendship. She verbalized ultimately what was her biggest problem with Teairra: Even if she didn’t agree with her choice to bend over to Berg and debase herself for a munchkin that didn’t deserve it, she wanted Teairra to just be a friend. I get that, but Hazel needs to grasp that you cannot police your friends’ feelings and real friends tell you what it is no matter how hard it might be for you to hear it. But hell, she tried.
Unfortunately, Hazel proceeded to then try the shit out of it when she asked Teairra to not work with Yung Berg in order to move forward in healing their relationship. Teairra Mari gave her that “Bitch, are you stupid?” face only to articulate that sentiment in softer terms—letting her know that no real friend would dare make such a request. She’s right.
Teairra Mari now has the same manager as Fizz, y’all. She no longer has a record deal. Despite Yung Berg not being even a decimeter of a decent man, the guy has produced a few hits and has a sound that works for her; why would anyone knowing the state of her career ask her to do something that would only further damage it. Teairra is too talented and too smart to entertain the request of the delusional.
Oh well, Hazel. I’ll lift your name in prayer to Self-Esteem Jesus. I’ll be asking Jesus to stop you from rapping, simping, and rapping about simping.
As for what else Teairra Mari and Fizz have in common, we can now add Nikki to the list. This show is full of forced relationships, so one shouldn’t be surprised that they keep that pattern going. Teairra fixed up Fizz with Nikki only I don’t see that going anywhere besides a used condom and an Uber ride home.
For starters, they both talk way too much about their exes. Who tells a person they just met why everything went wrong with the last person? These trainwrecks on VH1.
Listen here, y’all: If someone is talking to you about their ex on the first date, mentally check out. Save yourself.
Meanwhile, Fizz continues to have to engage in a back and forth with his caricature of a baby mama, Moniece. Moniece allegedly “went to the blogs” and accused Fizz of beating her and not being the best daddy. Moniece is out of her rabbit ass mind, though, so I get why Fizz would immediately want to check her on camera and fact check her bullshit in the confessional.
Listen here, y’all: If someone is talking to you about their ex on the first date, mentally check out. Save yourself.
Based on what Fizz said, Moniece has about as strong a chance of getting custody of her kid back as Don Lemon does of having a fucking clue.
Oh, we did see Moniece working with noted vocal coach Stevie Mackey, who she says is her cousin. Stevie Mackey is a great singer who works with great vocalists like JoJo. Those two have to be kin by blood or at least by marriage from a favorite auntie because that’s the only way I can explain why he’d be on this show.
Another person I was surprised to see on this show was Brandy. B-Rocka truly loves her brother Ray J ’cause it’s like, YOU ARE BRANDY. You had a Barbie Doll. You have a TV show that will outlive us all. Your records will also outlive us all. Why in the hell are you on a VH1 Monday Night mayhem-themed show?
To dispel life advice to her baby brother in peril, I guess. Naturally, he didn’t listen. Still vexed that his girlfriend is talking to his assistant turned arch nemesis, Ray J set up an intimate dinner with Paris to confront her about continuing to chat it up with Morgan.
In response, Princess said, “You brought this chick on me. You made me trust her.” Princess went on to add, “Why is she really here because you don’t pay the bitch?
1.
She threw a drink. He pushed her into the pool. She had to be held back—including by Mona Scott Young—because she wanted to fight him.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
