I should have known last night’s episode was going to be especially frustrating given it opened with Nikki, aka Barbie Kardashian, wiggling around in those yeast infection-inducing pants to listen to her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Mally Mall, lie to her again about his dealings with Masika. Mally Mal swears that they didn’t have sex if you don’t include the fellatio Masika allegedly performed on him. Could Mally Mal have just stood idle as Masika showed “what that mouth do?” Sure, but this man is clearly a liar so he’s probably had sex with her at least 52.5 times.
Mally Mal wanted to show Nikki what life was like without her so he presented her with an empty box–confirming our suspicion that he is corny as hell. After that, he gave her keys to his house (as if that will stop him from cheating). When Nikki took that as a sign of the two moving in together, Mally Mal went with the bro version of, “Whoa dere daddy-daddy.” Bless this sucker’s heart. Nikki’s got an empty refrigerator where her self-esteem’s supposed to be so she is willing to fall for anything.
She did have one request during their non-eating dinner, though: She wanted Mally Mal to let Masika know whom the real bae ‘round these parts is and she wanted to be there when it went down. When the time came, Masika tried to have a sincere, adult conversation about all of it at the home she helped Mally pick. Masika wanted to make one thing clear: this man was playing both she and Nikki. So reasonable, yet so wrong for the reality show she elected to be apart of. Moments later, Nikki wiggled in and started clucking only for Masika to escort herself out. Masika was right when she described the entire ordeal as “clown shit.”
1.
Nikki felt froggy with another cast member last night, too.
After hanging out with Teairra Mari, Nikki was informed that Morgan was showing off her pre-plastic surgery photos to mutual acquaintances for shits and giggles. Vexed, she confronted Morgan about it at a Ray J video shoot. Nikki is fake as hell, but game peeped game as she called out Morgan for being phony. When confronted, Morgan denied mocking Nikki’s before and after photos. In other words, she’s a lying ass liar on top of being messy as hell.
Here’s the thing about Nikki: Her new ass is nice if not hella Betty Boopish (re: unrealistic) in appearance. Now, when it comes to her breasts, it looks like you need to chart a cross-country flight to go from nipple to nipple because they look as far apart as NY and LA. But hey, whatever works for you, beloved.
Meanwhile, Morgan has issues with Ray J not appreciating her. However, Ray J feels she’s not particularly professional. You know, fighting on his video set and all. Based on the footage last night, I’m inclined to agree with Ray J, but then again, this is the same person who had women fighting over purses and Vagisil at his website launch party, so perhaps she’s just following your lead, Willie Jr.?
In related toxic relationship news, Hazel-E continues to serve as the poster child for clueless women. After finding out that Yung Berg reached out to Teairra Mari to record music, she throws several fits. Who told her? Masika. Yes, while at some dance class, Masika sat with Hazel-E and Moniece and proceeded to fill her in. She did this while explaining her own issue with Teairra. She didn’t, however, touch on her random fight with Nikki over the dude screwing both of them at the same damn time.
2.
Why exactly would someone you just met fight for you, Masika? You know what? Don’t even bother. If it doesn’t come with hot sauce, it’s not the kind of bird I want to be served.
Back to Hazel: This woman said, “I love him. He really loves me." No, the fuck he does not, woman. Berg has made it very apparent that he only feels for her when he’s inside her, and even then, it’s not the same feeling she appears to have. So when Hazel confronted Berg about working with Teairra, he let her have it again.
In Hazel’s mind, "I should be the only new bitch you working with right now." He tells her that is not realistic. "You like making me look like a fool," she says. Yes, and here you are, with clown make up ready to perform on cue.
Berg eventually says: "I don't like the way you talking to me. You talk to me like you’re my manager; my wife; my girlfriend."
She also talks like she learned Black slang from World Star Hip Hop comment threads, but I digress.
Hazel cries. Berg just looks at her. She cries some more. He reminds her once again, they’re not a couple. Berg informs Hazel that instead of worrying about Teairra, she should focus on her music. Wise advice.
3.
By the way, Hazel, you said Teairra’s career was “drowning,” but uh, you’re not exactly all the rage here or even on DatPiff, either. Be a bit more sympathetic; you know the struggle.
Finally, Omarion and his mama drama. After taking a meeting with a midwife, Apryl tells Omarion that as of now, she doesn’t want his hating ass mama around because it will bring unnecessary stress during the delivery. Apryl was not being aggressive in her tone, and yet, Omarion says, "You got that shred of testosterone in you because you're carrying my son. You're too aggressive."
Burn your fake medical degree, O-MA-RI-ON.
Omarion meets with his mama to discuss her behavior. She doesn’t give a damn and continues to berate his pregnant bae: "I know Apryl to be selfish and materialistic." This, from the woman who admits to being mad that her son's pregnant girlfriend is causing her son to not spend as much money on her. Omarion thankfully realizes that his new family is his priority.
His mama needs a life. She is jealous. It is disgusting. Get your own man, Mama O. He’s found a new tit to suck on.
Until next week, y’all.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
