You really have to love a man to say, "Fuck an epidermal, I'm going to deliver bae's baby in a bathtub." That's just the kind of woman Apryl is. Omarion was delivered this way, so Apryl wants to keep the tradition going. It's sweet and sentimental, but I kind of wish Apryl had kept the storytelling to a minimum because I don't think any of us needed to know that Omarion was uncircumcised.
While piecing together the final details of their natural home birth, Apryl asked Omarion if he wanted their son to be circumcised. He did, only she suggested that he do the same. His response: "You telling me I got to cut the turtle neck?"
Then she mentioned that his dick is too big and makes sex complicated. For a second there, I was feeling like I was breaking child porn laws only to remember that Omarion is my age. No matter because that was still too much.
Speaking of, Omarion did reveal to Apryl that he talked to his mom about her antics. That brought on another meeting of the minds, which also meant a big waste of Apryl's time. Leslie thinks insulting someone is a proper way of offering help. Excuse me, sorry—Leslie was trying to "teach" Apryl something as if anyone asked her to.
Even while trying to "explain herself," Leslie made comments like "My son says I owe you an apology, but I'm trying to figure out why." Another one: "You're my son's first child's mother."
Apryl ultimately decided to hug that mean woman and invite her to the delivery. I expect nothing but stress and bad things to follow. Whatever happens, I'm sure Apryl will handle it. She strikes me as reasonable and thoughtful, but no pushover. Even Omarion strikes me as relatively sane—like he watched various New Edition member struggles and vowed "Not me."
You know who else is fairly sane by this show's standards? Soulja Boy. Nia met up with her sisters at the dance studio to tell them the news of she and Soulja Boy moving in together. At one point, one of the sisters asks whether "He's a Soulja Boy or Soulja Man?" Actually, he appears more mature than Nia.
Nia has been dating this man "on and off for eight years," but has never introduced him to her parents. Now, I wouldn't do that, but it's a different story with my family—one Iyanla can narrate. However, Nia says she never introduced Soulja Boy to Teddy Riley because she was never sure if he was serious. I don't believe that. She seems very guarded and untrusting of others and that's all rooted in her dad having 10 kids. Oh, Nia didn't tell Soulja Boy she is one of 10 siblings in their eight years of dealing with each other in some capacity, but it's Soulja Boy we only have to worry about trusting. Right.
In any event, when Teddy Riley did appear, he came with a research packet. and asked Soulja about women taping him in hotels. Shout out to Kat Stacks. He even asked if he slept with his daughter the first night. Soulja was smart to lie and say no.
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This is now how this should go. You don't need to tell your parents the intricate details of your relationship, only whatever decisions you make about it. If that.
As for the other troubled cast members, Teairra Mari was back on key. Sure, she was also lip syncing to studio audio, but there were some quality-sounding ad libs there. Even better news is that Teairra realizes that she needs to get that body and voice together.
Meanwhile, she is working with Yung Berg, who clearly wants to smash. I don't see Teairra letting that go down. I hope she doesn't have to snatch his chain and shove it down his throat for invading her personal space.
When she wasn't working with Berg, she was checking on Ray J, who was throwing temper tantrums at Power 106 and getting arrested at clubs over grabbing stranger asses plus kicking in police car windows. Oh, he also spit on a cop.
Somewhere Kim Kardashian is giggling "Ha, ha, bitch."
Teairra talks to Ray's manager, who encourages her to reach out. Mistake. She apologized for her behavior and that ended quickly because Ray J was Petty Patty.
He went on to downplay their relationship, which is what a typical villain would do. He tried to make her look like a Hazel E. This makes him seem even more like he has a problem. Teairra didn't punch him. Good for her.
Ray J is out here looking even worse than ever. That is quite the feat given his track record. I guess I should never question the power of alcohol. And maybe something else. Allegedly.
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Now on to the last remaining sad tales.
After a meet up in the studio, Masika is showed that she is with us in believing that Hazel is crazy as hell. This man basically said he wouldn't waste drunk urine on her if she was in flames, but she's still wondering how he truly feels about her.
Back to that in a second.
Masika: Why would Nikki be jealous of you working in the club her parents own? That makes you even more dispensable in her eyes. If anything, she'll call you the help in that wannabe Kardashian voice she uses.
Yung Berg is so terrible, but honest.
Okay, now Hazel. Hazel played Berg the song she made for him. Berg really does not give a fuck about Hazel. He said in the confessional, "I'm tired of her pushing up on me like a Muppet in heat."
Berg is so terrible, but honest. He acknowledges that he was just being nice to her about her rap dreams because they were fucking.
Upon hearing this, Hazel attacked him and he emptied the contents of her purse on the street. I hope that's that and Hazel realizes she needs to exhale, shoop, shoop, and move on. Berg needs therapy because there's a reason he is so cruel. I doubt he gets it until met with a creative slump and/or STI, though. Oh well.
'Til next time.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
