The final installment of the Love & Hip Hop Atlanta reunion launched into what has been the biggest story of the season: Mimi and Nikko’s porn. Less than 30 seconds into the conversation, I was annoyed. Mimi remains in denial about Nikko and Nikko remains in denial about Nikko. Thankfully, Deb Antney was there to cut through the bullshit—presumably with the razor blade she occasionally slides underneath her tongue.
Frustrated, Deb—who should’ve been the host of this reunion show (me next, though)—flat out explained to Nikko, “You gotta own up to what you do. That’s what makes it believable.” Nikko was unmoved, but Deb went on to add, “You know. I know. The world know that that was all set up.”
Nikko refused to take a lie detector test, claiming he has nothing to prove to anyone—proving he’s a lying-ass liar. After Deb hit Nikko upside the head with the truth, Ariane proceeded to unload on him—calling him a misogynist asshole. Erica Dixon doesn’t like him either. As for the rest of the cast, an overwhelming majority of them agreed that Nikko leaked the tape in an impromptu poll.
while defending her choice to make porn with the off-brand version of her baby daddy, Mimi was trying to get featured in an adult Black History program for breaking barriers in porn.
When it came to Mimi’s feelings on the tape, she remained defiant, professing that the deal she made will leave her financially secure for the rest of her life. She went on to note that she and Nikko are the first Blacks the porn company have done business with. Yes, while defending her choice to make porn with the off-brand version of her baby daddy, she was trying to get featured in a future adult Black History program for breaking barriers in porn.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mimi Faust: The Madam CJ Walker of coochie crooking.
When it came time to talk about Nikko’s marriage, he continued to say that he did not lie to her. Like, this mush-mouthed fool said, "I didn't lie to her. She never asked the question." Once again, Deb Antney was reasonable and asked Nikko that if he knew Mimi had just left a relationship in which she was cheated on, why would he not be completely transparent with her about his marriage? Nikko said, “I didn’t hold anything back from you except my marriage.”
Yet, Mimi revealed that they were still having sex. She said in that typical, obnoxious and pathetically defensive way that viewers have become accustomed to. She also added,
“I don’t have anyone to have sex with.” Apparently Mimi has since learned the value of masturbation, taking to Twitter to say she and Nikko are done and she’s dealing with her dildo exclusively.
No Nikko and I are not still having sex, AT ALL!! I'm ok with my Bedroom Kandi from @Kandi until the right man comes along. Ok!! 😉
— Mimi Faust (@MimiFaust) September 9, 2014
It’s a shame that Mimi Faust and Joseline Hernandez, Baby haven’t managed to get along yet. They could do a traveling play called For Colored Girls Who Turn To Horrible Men When Self-Worth Isn’t Enuf. Speaking of the Puerto Rican Princess, she is just as bad as Mimi is when it comes to not taking responsibility. The same goes for not seeing a bad situation even when it slides into you on a regular basis.
It’s a shame Mimi and Joseline haven’t managed to get along yet. They could do a traveling play called For Colored Girls Who Turn To Horrible Men When Self-Worth Isn’t Enuf.
Since Stevie and Joseline were involved the brawl, and as a result, no longer a part of the reunion, they sat down with LHHATL executive producer Stefan Springman to discuss, among many things, their marriage. Stevie still doesn’t remember the date they got married, and when prompted for the marriage certificate, Joseline essentially said she forgot her homework. At this point, those two are just trolling us. Everyone knows that they are not married, but I am not sure why it’s such a big deal anymore. Who takes those two that seriously?
What did prove to be more serious, however, was Joseline’s remarkable skill at being utterly clueless about certain aspects of herself. When asked if she ever considered therapy, she barked back, “I ain’t going to therapy ‘cause I ain’t got no problems.”
Her purported husband, Stevie J, disagreed and then listed her issues, which include her being “quick-tempered” and equally quick to meet drama with even more drama. When Stevie J says you need therapy that pretty much says it all, no?
Joseline, your emotional intelligence is like a damaged cassette tape and it’s about time you join the rest of us in the digital world.
1.
That said, as far last week’s episode—i.e. an hour-long insinuation that Joseline’s rage was fueled by drugs—she proved me right in that it wasn’t so much drugs as it was cultural mores. Or in plainer terms: Joseline’s ass is hood as fuck.
Q: Why did Joseline attack Tammy?
A: “I was walking to go to the back and I seen that bitch and the first thing that clicked in my head was ‘Punch that ho ‘cause she deserve it.’ Tammy, you know I was gon’ whoop your ass.”
Q: Why did she come for Mimi’s Elvira-meets-Vanity 6-inspired wig?
A: “Mimi, you talk all that shit during the whole season. You gon’ have to see me sooner or later.”
If Joseline finds herself in rehab, super, but ultimately, she has to learn to better manage her anger.
However, she wins the night for dismissing Erica Dixon’s suggestion that she came dressed to fight by struggling to pronounce the word elegantly only to add, “Them hoes looks thrifty; I’m just a fly bitch.”
And: “I’m an artist. I do music. I don’t do what they do, which is nothing.”
When it came time to talk to Benzino and Althea, Benzino initially mouthed off “no comment” repeatedly before rushing Stefan, a.k.a his boss. Althea must’ve whispered something in his ear—probably, “Baby, we need these checks”—so Benzino ultimately apologized on air and proceeded to do his job: Uh, blah-blah-blah, Joseline is bad, and no, I won’t admit that I swung on her. Yawn.
As much as I have loved this season of LHHATL, it’s time for a break. See y’all next week for Love & Hip Hop Hollywood, which is an amazing clusterfuck.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
