It took 17 episodes, but Mimi Faust has finally realized what many of us quickly picked up on in the previous season: Nikko is an opportunist. Hold your applause, people. Yes, Mimi completed the marathon, but by the time she crossed the finish line, everyone else was icing their knees and sipping a smoothie as they hopped in their cars to drive home.
Since we’re on things that have been chopped, Mimi confronted Nikko in the studio ‘cause you know, back in the day he had a record deal and these 15 minutes of fame he’s got are prime iTunes single-selling time. However, from the lil’ snippet of lip syncing to heavily autotuned vocals we were treated to, Nikko sounds like his vocal chords were in an abusive relationship with a samurai sword. Needless to say, I won’t be copping his latest single, “Shower Rod.”
While talking, Mimi went from 0 to 100 real quick (oh Lord), yelling at Nikko and invading every decimeter of his personal space. We’ve seen this show before, Mimi, and per your usual timing comes across as too little, too late. As much as one understands how Mimi came to be the pariah magnet that she is, when will she break the pattern—starting with securing the services of a psychologist? Eh, not the season finale. Hashtag sadness.
At the very end of the episode, Mimi turned to Stevie J for support. Stevie J offers about as much support as an old bra with a missing cup and strap, but if you want to get back on that bus, Mimi, good luck and God bless. Hell, may Beyoncé and Janet Jackson bless you, too. You’re going to need all the help you can get.
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Case in point, Stevie J saying: "I know I've made Mimi cry over and over again, but to know that someone else made her cry? Drives me crazy."
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Negro, gon’ somewhere.
I sure hope Joseline, who is practically Mimi Jr. minus the ESL classes, eventually has her exhale (shoop, shoop) moment long before she hits her 40s. She had her own dealings with Stevie J last night following Benzino telling Stevie J that Joseline allegedly had been sleeping with her driver.
Before we get to that, riddle me this: Throughout this entire season we have seen Joseline drive herself to and from every damn location. So, where did this driver come from? Is it the same place Nikko’s roommate came from? I mean, if he’s been married for several years, why did he have a roommate? Am I ruining the moment by asking these questions?
Unsolved mysteries aside, Joseline was ready for Stevie J to confront her about the rumors after Karlie Redd shot her a text, filling her in. I like Karlie Redd for being admittedly nosy as hell. Also, I take back what I said in a previous recap. Karlie isn’t the Pearl from 227 of LHHATL, “grandpapa” Benzino is.
Thing is, though, Stevie didn’t want to talk to Joseline about the rumors about her; he wanted to own up to sleeping with Althea. The accusations about her vaginal activity only came up during their argument. An argument that led to Joseline letting the tears flow as she complained about her “husband” taking her computer and Chanel purses whenever he’s upset with her. See, that’s the problem with calling your bae “daddy” all the time.
To Joseline’s credit, when Stevie once again tried to say that he gave her the life, “You ain’t give me shit. I gave it to myself because I worked.” I want her to believe this all the time. The sooner she does, the faster she’ll realize she doesn’t need to date a Geppetto. I want to start a Kickstarter to get her a self-worth transplant. Y’all down to contribute?
Meanwhile, Joseline told Stevie her plans for Benzino: "I'm gonna take him by the neck that he don't got."
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This woman needs an Emmy.
Their scene ended with Joseline handing back her mostly symbolic wedding rings and said “I’m over.” Stevie quickly shot back, “You’ll never be over me.” That’s the sort of declaration that leads to a restraining order.
Then there is Momma Dee, who serenaded us with her new single, “I Deserve To Be Loved” as we caught up with the remainder of the cast. Scrappy is shooting for fidelity. Erica and Scrappy becoming friends while making peace with Momma Dee.
Karlie Redd proclaiming her new single will be a hit without Yung Joc. She’ll also be ready to turn up ‘cause she’s “single and ready to mingle.”
Tammy and Waka are going to work on upping Waka’s sperm count so they can have some babies. By the way, Tammy, if you come back next season, can you try to make a friend with a cast member? That’s how this show works.
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Rasheeda and Kirk are better than they used to be, though that’s not really saying much, now is it?
Kalenna and her husband moved into some big ass house in Atlanta. No comment.
Joseline says she may end up in another city. We’ll see about that, though I enjoyed her positive affirmation: “I’m going to always make shit happen because I’m that bitch.” I need to tape that quote on my desk.
Stevie says he needs to focus on his music and keep family first. He’s hilariously inconsistent. Wait, he’s hilariously inconsistent so long as you don’t procreate with him.
And I already told y’all Mimi is back on Stevie’s bus, so just shake your head again.
As for Momma Dee’s singing, she sounds like "What if a menthol cigarette booked studio time?" I do sort of want to hear the song in full, though. Someone gift it to me.
While I’ve enjoyed the third season of my favorite Negro telenovela, Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, after 17 episodes, I need space from everyone not named Joseline Hernandez, Baby. That is, after the three-part reunion. I can’t wait to finally be able to talk about witnessing that madness in person.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
