While the debate on when and where it is appropriate to breastfeed lingers on (answer is usually whenever the mama, baby, and nipple feel like it), can we all come together as a people and agree that it’s probably not a good idea for a mother to breastfeed her son until age 14 and chase the milk with six ounces of Colt 45? As much as I appreciate Lil’ Scrappy’s commitment to remixing the English language in his own image, there comes a point in a man’s life when he ought to say to himself, “I cannot be the peach state’s Jody forever.” Hopefully, after he watched himself on last night’s edition of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, he looked in the mirror and promised to get his shiz-nay-ee together…feel me?
For a show with a level of couth as low as the VIP suite in the seventh circle of hell, you have to do something pretty damn terrible to have your scene partially blocked out even if only for mere seconds. And based on Erica P’s disheveled Malaysian sew-in and an apology from Momma Dee on her son’s behalf, one assumes that Scrappy put them paws on the woman he referred to as his “friend.” However, as Erica rightly pointed out to him during their meeting that turned into fight night at the Chiptole-esque restaurant, real friends don’t do certain things. Like, flirt, flirt some more, and, when called out for blurring the lines of their friendship, refer to their friend as a “bum bitch” that’s “fucked up” and “crazy.”
Even so, Erica has to come to grips with her behavior in the matter, too. You knew this man had a relationship with The Bam, yet you threw your ass in his face whenever production said “rolling.” Plus, if this is your friend, then you know how he is when it comes to relationships. He can’t commit and has a level of respect for women that is surely influenced by his overbearing mother, the ex-nurse turned pimp and dealer. So with all of that information in mind, are you surprised by his behavior, Erica?
This is not a defense of his assumed actions last night, but it is a reminder for Erica that if it barks like a dog, drunk texts like a simp, and let’s a Momma Dee step into his affairs, it means you should block his number so he can’t iMessage you.
Keeping with the theme of not making sense of blatant signs, Kaleena ended her homie, lover, friend relationship with her big booty homegirl from Baltimore, Ashley. During another work-dodging field trip to the strip club, Ashley told Kaleena, “People make time for what people want to make time for.” This was in response to Kaleena “making time” to do her actual job: singing. If that doesn’t sound possessive enough for you, Ashley also took Kaleena’s phone to prevent contact with her husband.
That husband was none too pleased about all of this (surprise, surprise), spurring Kaleena to finally decide that maybe she should just focus on the person she actually married versus the girl who wants all of the attention a committed relationship brings without actual commitment. To be fair, though, part of Ashley’s assumption that she deserves all this attention is rooted in Kaleena giving it to her whenever she brings those cheeks down to Atlanta.
I don’t know why it took so long for Kaleena to realize that polyamory doesn’t work when trying to pursue your dreams of music stardom as a solo act, but better late than ever. Just one thing, though, Kaleena: You got a kid being raised by your parents in another state while you chase your dreams and you waste that time jumping out of cars to dance with your sidepiece?
Tell me that editing exaggerated this situation. Wait, don’t tell me; tell CPS. By the way, K: Y’all gon’ smash again.
Let’s move on to the somewhat self-aware portion of the program, shall we?
Still mad about chatter of her “husband” boning Althea, Joseline Hernandez, Baby, told Stevie J to get his shit together and reminded him that Althea messed with him for the same reason she did: for a come up. Yes, she was on one last week talking about “hoes” fucking to get in the studio as if that wasn’t what she did a week ago, but let’s just celebrate clarity when it comes, y’all.
Another person looking for answers is Benzino, who just can’t understand why Stevie won’t fess up to smashing the woman who he proposed to last night. Why would anyone be so pressed about such intel? The hell if I know, but one thing is for certain: Althea has officially taken Mimi’s crown as the worst actress on this show. Joseline: You were right to be suspicious.
Joseline’s other new nemesis, Tammy, had a fashion show last night. According to her, “I wanted to bring New York Fashion Week to Atlanta.” Stop laughing. Okay, don’t stop laughing ‘cause I’m not about to. Her clothes gave “Forever 21 and Rainbow’s Baby,” but congratulations, Mrs. Waka Flocka, for that and for eloping at the courthouse. She wore a crop top and belly chain and he had on a t-shirt and jeans. They’re obviously perfect for each other. Deb Antney ain’t feeling the rushed marriage, though.
And just to remind you folks again: Waka Flocka is the most decent man on the show and the only married one. Yeah, yeah, Kirk is married, too, but I’d rather pretend they’re not around. It works better for me that way. The same goes for Nikko and Mimi, who did not appear on last night’s episode, and thus, making the show far more enjoyable on principle alone.
We’ll see them next week as the entire show seems focused on their porn being released to the Internet. K. Michelle will return to join Joseline on a viewing party. I can’t wait.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
