Date: October 10
Finally, the day of Miley Recknoning was upon us, and get this: We made it through together, you guys. The former Disney Channel star-turned-apostate and her (supposedly, or arguably, or ostensibly) culturally-appropriating ways did nothing to destory the capital-c Culture, as evidenced by the fact that it's still here, today, among and around us. And no, it is neither a revolution in pop music nor the worst thing you will hear this year. It's not even that "ratchet," as it were. The truth of the matter is that Miley Cyrus is just a pop star. Much like many pop stars who've come before her.
The album isn't destructive, it's not a "movement." It's an ambitious but overly calculated call for attention that's just okay, mostly because it refuses to really double down on anything other than the mid-level becoming more mid-level. It is, as Douglas Adams once wrote of our planet's connection to the rest of the universe, mostly harmless.
It's not going to destroy sales records, but it's not going to be a no-show on the charts, either: Industry math nerds have calculated something like 250,000 albums sold in her first week, give or take a few Twerk Team halftime orange slices she stole out of the mouths of those who came before her. NO COME ON WE'RE KIDDING (we all know Miley can't actually Twerk.)
All of this is to say that there are no real victims or gamechanging consequences of Miley's melee attack on pop culture other than those experienced by a lone foam finger, one that's still tucked away in some Barclays Center basement locker, still curled in the fetal position, waiting for a kinder hand to come along and wear it. As for the rest of us, like a collective and conclusive "amen" from those congregated in the pews of pop culture, let us sigh rightfully and together: "Meh." — Foster Kamer