As you might have heard, the federal government is currently shutdown. We're not going to open up a whole can of worms and get into a debate about the how or why it happened, or point fingers and blame Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner for letting the crazies take control of his party and shut down the government in a futile attempt to defund Obamacare. We're not saying that at all. (Well, maybe we're syaing that a little.) We're saying something more along the lines of the famous quote from 13th century Islamic scholar Ibn Taymiyyah—"Sixty years of an unjust imam are better than one night without a sultan." Our government may not be perfect, but at least we have a government. Try going without one.
This already sucks. But the real scary stuff won't start til October 17th, that's the deadline for the U.S. to pay its debts and avoid going into default. Most economists predict a world-wide financial collapse if that were to happen. But here at Complex, we've thought of something even more horrific. What if the rap game shutdown the way the government has? Nas already said hip-hop is dead back in 2006, and even a newcomer like Chance The Rapper says that the music business is a "dead industry." What if the entire business of rap shutdown and rappers stopped rapping altogether? What would happen to society? What would your favorite rappers do? We cranked up the What-If Machine in the Complex offices to see what would happen...
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Jay Z would actually, finally, retire.
Nas would be all like, "See, what did I tell you!"
Karl Rove would be all like, "See, I told you Mitt Romney really won the election!"
Gucci Mane would finish rehab, completely recovered, and open an ice cream shop that gave free temporary tattoos with each purchase.
Rappers would have existential epiphanies. "Hold on, I'm a grown man and I call myself 'Fabolous?' That's not even the correct spelling. What have I been doing with my life?"
Pharrell would age hundreds of years in an instant and turn to dust like the witch at the end of Rapunzel.
Drug dealers would move on from rappers and start extorting indie rock musicians instead.
Action Bronson would open a seafood restaurant and earn five Michelin stars.
2 Chainz would become a jewelry model for Home Shopping Network.
KTT regulars would become a cargo cult and start listening to Rammstein and Kraftwerk.
The number of rappers trying to make movies with Steven Seagal and Val Kilmer would skyrocket.
Wale would write and star in Love Jones II: Still Finger Snappin' as a romantic slam poet.
Tyga would attempt to become a full-time adult film director.
Struggle rappers would actually have a valid excuse as to why their careers never took off.
Rick Rubin would cut his beard and buy some damn shoes.
Jeezy would become a country singer and release an album called The Shutdown, which would have nothing to do with the rap shutdown, but would still be inspirational as hell.
Miley Cyrus will be forced to become a country music artist.
No longer filled with videos of struggle rappers or anything to do with rap music, WorldStar will shorten its name, become even more popular, and become known for what it really is: The Hood YouTube.
Hypebeasts would be confused, leaderless, and end up getting dressed by their mothers.
Lil Wayne would win Skateboard Vert gold at X Games 2014.
A lot of people would have to get real jobs.
Weed carriers would enroll in classes at their local community colleges and learn how to write resumes.
Rick Ross would fully dedicate himself to exercise and eating healthy and drop 200 pounds.
Kids would stop cursing.
Dropouts would pull up their pants, go back to school, and become productive members of society.
Violence everywhere would come to a halt and the world would go back to its entirely peaceful existence, as it was before rap music was discovered.
Drake would cry.
