Summer is over. All but officially. But we're looking forward to fall for lots of reasons. One of them, the return of Eminem! Mostly because his latest single, "Berzerk," proves that Shady's back (tell a friend.) He's blonde again, and reenergized, and having fun, up to his old antics—making naughty jokes at the expense of famous pop culture figures. "All I know is I fell asleep and woke up in that Monte Carlo," he rhymes. "With the ugly Kardashian/Lamar, oh sorry, yo/We done both set the bar low."
It's bars like these that have helped define Eminem's career since he stopped rapping like AZ and released The Slim Shady LP. He ushered in a big change in rap. While pop culture has always been a huge part of American life, and as television, and then the Internet, brought our favorite (and least favorite) celebrities into our daily collective consciousness more and more ubiquitously, rap lyrics didn't reflect this to the extent that do now until Eminem started writing his rhymes like they were rippsed from the tabloids.
His debut introduced this stylistic tic to the masses. And even as Em has proved he belongs in any room full of superstars, that's never stopped him from lobbing spitballs from the back. He's poked made fun at everyone, from Bill Clinton to Pamela Anderson, George Bush to Jessica Simpson. Although the pool to choose from in olympic-size, we picked The 10 Best Eminem Celebrity Disses.
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10. "Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz/It'd be Jennifer Lopez, and Puffy you know this!/I'm sorry Puff, but I don't give a fuck if this chick was my own mother/I still fuck her with no rubber and cum inside her/And have a son and a new brother at the same time/And just say that it ain't mine."
Song: Eminem "I'm Back" (2000)
Album: The Marshall Mathers LP
Label: Aftermath/Interscope/Shady
You could argue that this isn't necessarily a diss. It might even be a (crude) compliment. Regardless, it's straight rude to rap about having sex with another dude's girl in such graphic detail, even if every guy has had a similar fantasy.
9. "And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie/You thirty-six year old baldheaded fag, blow me/You don't know me, you're too old, let go/It's over, nobody listens to techno."
Song: Eminem "Without Me" (2002)
Album: The Eminem Show
Label: Aftermath/Interscope/Shady
This scathing set of bars was in response to Moby calling Eminem a "misogynist, a homophobe, a racist, and an anti-Semite." Calling someone a fag doesn't exactly do much to dispute accusations of homophobia, but nobody can say hip-hop was progressive in the early 2000s.
8. "I'm anti-Backstreet and Ricky Martin/With instincts to kill N'Sync, don't get me started/These fucking brats can't sing and Britney's garbage"
Song: Eminem "Marshall Mathers" (2000)
Album: The Marshall Mathers LP
Label: Aftermath/Interscope/Shady
Eminem has made his feelings about pop stars well known throughout his career. This is one of his most impressive disses because of how jam packed it is. In just three bars Em manages to take down four acts. Ruthless.
7. "Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door/And started whippin' her ass worse than before/They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture."
Song: Eminem "The Real Slim Shady" (2000)
Album: The Marshall Mathers LP
Label: Aftermath/Interscope/Shady
He didn't say what we think he did, did he? Yes, Eminem went there and made fun of the abuse Pamela Anderson suffered at the hands of Tommy Lee. The Mötley Crüe drummer served four months in prison for kicking Anderson. Clearly, there are few lines Eminem won't cross.
6. "That would mean I lie and get fucked more than the President does/Hilary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert/I ripped her fucking tonsils out and fed her sherbet (bitch!)"
Song: Eminem "Role Model" (1999)
Album: The Slim Shady LP
Label: Aftermath/Interscope/Web
Despite Eminem's apparent disdain for Hillary Clinton, she could be an ally. In an interview with CBS in 2010, the potential 2016 candidate said, "Hip-hop is America." This was after the US State Department sent a rap group named Chen Lo and The Liberation Family to Syria in a diplomacy effort. We doubt Em will be next, but he's got to appreciate Clinton's nod to the genre.
5. "Stuck a pin in Jessica's head and walked away/And as she flew around the room like a balloon/I grabbed the last can of chicken tuna out the trash can."
Song: Eminem "Rain Man" (2004)
Album: Encore
Label: Shady/Aftermath/Interscope
Tucked away on an album cut on his less popular albums, this isn't one of Eminem's most well known disses. But don't let its relative obscurity fool you. It's one of Em's best because he paints the picture of Jessica Simpson as an airhead and uses canned tuna as more of an afterthought than the focus. Most rappers would resort to something lazier like "You're dumber than Jessica Simpson eating canned tuna" but no, not Marshall.
4. "Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs/So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst/And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first/Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV/"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"/I should download her audio on MP3/And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD."
Song: Eminem "The Real Slim Shady" (2000)
Album: The Marshall Mathers LP
Label: Aftermath/Interscope/Shady
Let's start with some VMA history. Back in 2000 Fred Durst performed "Livin' It Up" with Christina Aguilera in a move that the rest of Limp Bizkit didn't approve of. Later on Durst would claim he'd done it for the nookie. Meanwhile, Carson Daly was rumored to have been dating Aguilera, hence his inclusion.
Not surprisingly, Christina objected to Eminem's lyric and said, "He got no nookie. That did not happen, OK? I just want to clear the table right there, and the thing with Carson [Daly] too. Eminem's whole song did not happen, OK? It just didn't, but it's some really crazy stuff that people want to insinuate and people want to say, and it is hurtful." Okay fine, just because we enjoy when Em makes fun of people that doesn't mean he hasn't hurt some feelings over the years. But hey, it's all in good fun.
3. "You made to my house when you was Wild'n Out before Nick/When you was on my dick and give you something to smile about."
2. After I gave you props in that song, you on national TV/Talkin' 'bout Everlast is gonna whip my ass when he sees me?/Come on dawg, you was supposed to be on that song/Talkin' bout how bad you hate him, now you all on his thong?/What's wrong? You scared, and Fred, you said you was dissin' him too/I should have knew better than to listen to you."
1. "Mosh pits outside the Oval Office, someone's trying/To tell us something maybe this is God just/Saying we're responsible, for this monster/This coward that we have empowered, this is Bin Laden/Look at his head nodding-how could, we allow/Something like this without, pumping our fist now."
Song: Eminem "Mosh" (2004)
Album: Encore
Label: Shady/Aftermath/Interscope
George W. Bush was the second president to get the Slim Shady treatment. Unlike the lighthearted jabs at Clinton's affair, Eminem's comments on the Iraq war were knockouts. He wasn't satisfied with saying "Fuck Bush." Em goes all in, comparing the president to Osama Bin Laden and suggesting he strap up and fight his war marked with "blood for oil." How Dubya picked Kanye West's infamous one-liner instead of "Mosh" as the worst moment of his presidency is beyond us.
