The 10 Dumbest Reasons to Hate Drake

We might love Drake, but there's a lot of things people dislike about him...and some of them are kinda stupid.

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Image via Complex Original
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Aubrey Graham aka The Lightskin Keith Sweat aka Champagne Papi aka Drake is arguably the most popular and polarizing rapper of the past few years. People love to hate him; people hate to love him. For every reason Drake gives us to love him, he gives us a reason to hate him. He just makes it so easy to nitpick (e.g. this shirt [and, yes, that is Martini Moscato he's holding]).

Don't get us wrong. We don't contend that everyone should unabashedly love Drake. It's just that with so many reasons to hate on him a significant amount of those are extraneous and pedantic, focusing on who he is rather than the music he creates. Most reasons people give for not liking Drake hinge upon the antiquated idea of "what a rapper should be." Like DMX, who claimed, "I don't like anything about Drake. I don't like his fucking voice. I don't like what he talks about. I don't like his face. I don't like the way he walks. Nothing. I don't like his haircut." You can hate Drake just don't let it be because of one of these reasons. We present: The 10 Dumbest Reasons to Hate Drake.

Written by Justin Roberson (@BauceSauce)

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His Rap Hands

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His Rap Hands

Every rapper has a go-to move when they perform. Some jump up and down. Kanye has the classic bend over while holding your head move. Eminem has the index finger to the temple move. Drake's tic just happens to be Parkinson's of the hand. Scientists say that they move so quickly our brains almost can't process it. And, during one particularly spirited performance in Saskatoon, Drake's hands actually created a sonic boom. Does it look like he's doing motion capture for a TJ Combo Ultra Combo? Yes. Do you half-way expect him to break out a spinaroonie afterwards? Yep. Are Drake Hands fun to make fun of? Absolutely. Are they a reason to hate him? No.

He's Soft

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He's Soft

If you're mad at Drake for being king right now and talking about his feelings then blame 50 Cent and gangster rap of the early 2000's. Each generation's identity forms from rejecting the ideas of the one before it. Drake flourished because of how culture shifted (whether you like it or not). Sure, he's "soft." There are an infinite number of pictures that validate he isn't the most masculine dude in the world. There are plenty of Drake parody accounts. There are even people who have legitimately established careers by making fun of him *cough*Big Ghost*cough*.

Nahmean b Aubz aka Young Angel Wings bka Mr. Bath and Body Twerks fka Lil Kitten Belly be talking about his feelings son... nah... he be gettin extra dewy in his verses rappin about infinity pools and subtweets and wantin to be married and exotic strudels and the current figure skatin fashion trends and infatuation... I can't fuck wit that shit b... I don't even tell my mother I love her nahmean like I just shotput RVs at her...but I ain't ever gonna tell nobody I love em b... I'd rather die alone inside my tastefully appointed Cocaine Condo rental than be vulnerable...namsayin like thats gay... emotions are gay b... whenever I have an emotion I self-flagellate nahmean. I cannonball into a volcano... I self mutilate. You's a homosex if you ever had an emotion b... I don't even go to church son... "devotional" sounds too much like "emotional" nahmean like I don't even visit large expanses of sea because "ocean" is in "emotion." I don't get down with that b. I hate witches off GP because they be carryin potions and that's only three letters away from lotions. Fuck feelings.

One could argue (and we are) that being openly vulnerable to millions of people takes more strength than a Zeus slap. The guru pyramid Regisl may have said it best:

His Sweaters

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His Sweaters

Drake has become synonymous with sweaters. Drake has every type of sweater in every different type of fabric with every different type of style in every type of permutation: Cashmere, Cotton, Blended Fabric, Cotton, Camelhair, Super Geelong, Merino, Lambswool, Chinchilla. Cable-Knit, Cardigans, Aran, Argyle, Owl, V, Turtle, Mock, Crew... He doesn't just own sweaters.

He lives and breathes the sweater lifestyle. Drake owns a cache of exotic sweaters that the world may never see. They are simply too rare and majestic. Word around town is that he paid to have Mr. Rogers exhumed so that he could own the sweater he was buried in. Other Urban Sweater Legends contend that Drake bought five of B.I.G.'s old Coogi sweaters to have them unthreaded and then resewn into a blanket that he sleeps under every night. It has never been washed.

Style is objective. It has no bearing on an artist's talent. Wearing a band-aid under one eye for no reason whatsoever didn't invalidate Nelly as the best rapper of all time in 2001. A$AP Rocky fashioning a Slip N' Slide into a halter top doesn't make "Brand New Guy" any less amazing. Andre 3000 dressing like a Fashion Institute of Technology version of Sabu doesn't devalue his discography. Who are you really mad at? Drake's sweaters? Or yourself?

He's Contradictory

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He's Contradictory

Started from the bottom? Hardly. But, what's so wrong with embellishment or poetic license? Rick Ross is a well-known druglord fraud, but we've all seemed to disregard that little white lie. Human beings are complex creatures. We're contradictory by nature. We're selfless then selfish. We repent then sin. A person may be peaceful 90% of the time, but under certain circumstances they'll become violent (or at least threaten violence). So what if Drake drinks sleepytime tea one minute and the next minute raps about getting hyped up and catching bodies? We've all felt like we could kill somebody at one point or another. Does that make us frauds? Does that diminish our character? No.

It takes a certain type of man to teach,
To be far from hood, but to understand the streets

Drake seems to irk many with his fake tough guy role, but outside of Freddie Gibbs, GBE, and a handful of other artists, a majority of rappers are too. Drake just seems to have the widest breadth in his continuum. Plus, he's never actually claimed to have done anything he hasn't done (whether he's capable of what he threatens is another thing).

His Fans

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His Fans

Every artist has annoying fans/stans. For instance, these 25 people think that Drake is better than Kanye and Jay-Z. However, you can't fault the artist for that. Though who the artist is and what they represent does play a crucial role in what types of people they attract as fans. Drake's fans certainly believe in his infallibility. To them, every song has no flaws and "He's SoOoOOoOoOo in touch with his feelings."

Drake fans aren't necessarily worse than Lupe Fiasco stans, and they fall significantly short of Odd Future stans in terms of annoyance. They are terrible because there are so many of them, and they make hearing/seeing Drake ubiquitous thanks to their penchant for posting a couplet from the latest Drake tune as a status update on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, FourSquare, Tumblr, GChat, etc. You can't escape Drake, but that's not his fault. Blame the honeydips.

He Ruins Your Favorite Childhood Songs

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He Ruins Your Favorite Childhood Songs

If you grew up in the late 90's/early 2000's, two songs taught you invaluable life lessons and dominated your school dance playlists: Juvenile's "Back That AzzThang Up" and Destiny's Child's "Say My Name."

Those strings on the intro of "Back That Azz Up" are iconic, and acted as the harbinger to a four minute and thirty second respite where everything in the world was right. It's the closest thing to perfect our one true Lord and savior Jesus Christ has bestowed upon us. It's New Orleans Bounce; it's exemplary butt music of the highest hindquarter. Drake samples/covers/interpolates it on "Practice," and flips it into a down-tempo sex ballad. We felt some type of way the first time we heard it. But, then we realized that "Practice" is the Yang to "Back That Azz Up"'s Yin. Drake made "Practice" so that we had a version of "Back That Azz Up" to play during passionate love-making sessions, to soundtrack our sad strip club jaunts. And, if we're being honest, having no Mannie Fresh is the only real negative of "Practice." Shouts to all the plumber chicks.

Some songs just shouldn't be sampled, and "Say My Name" is one of them. We showed incredulity when Drake was singing "Say My Name" at live performances since 2011. And, just when we forgot all about that, he puts out "Girls Love Beyonce" two years later. GLB is decent as far as pre-album Drake loosies go. And usually, this song would be met with the eternal gas face, but James Fauntleroy graces the track. For that fact alone, you should be able to overlook any affronts to your childhood.

He Sings Too Much

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He Sings Too Much

A valid critique. A rapper should rap. A rapper should not sing. They should never sing. Ever. An artist should be one-dimensional and never evolve or venture out beyond the thing that they are. If you ask us, Jay-Z should still be rapping double time and wearing Hawaiian shirts in Jaz-O videos (I don't pop Molly; I rock Tom Bahama).

Seriously, let Drake cook (you a nice Spaghetti Bolognese). Pigeonholing artists, and demanding they only do one thing, ultimately stagnates the genre as a whole. If you don't like his R&B tracks, just skip them. Sure, he's not the best singer, serviceable at best, but he's responsible for some of the most catchy choruses of the past few years, which makes Lil Wayne saying "And we gone be alright if we put Drake on every hook" seem pretty prophetic. Because YMCMB did, and they are.

We're still a little bummed that we never got that It's Never Enough R&B mixtape Drake touted back in 2010.

His Aaliyah Obsession

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His Background

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His Background

A sensitive Jewish Canadian who starred in a teen drama television show... very inauspicious beginnings for a rapper. What is there to hate about Drake's TV stardom? Who wouldn't want to be on a TV show and make thousands of dollars as a teenager? Not us. How does this fact affect his skill as a musician? It doesn't.

Oh wait, we forgot that you can only be a rapper if you grew up with no parents, were homeless, and sold drugs. If you have one parent, you cannot be a rapper. If you aren't a feral human with wild dog tendencies, you can't be a rapper... How silly to instill arbitrary guidelines and preclude anyone from sharing their story, especially in a genre built on creativity and storytelling. Drake's not the only musician that has ever existed with an "unusual" background story.

J. Cole went to St. John's University. Robin Thicke's dad, Alan Thicke, was on Growing Pains. 2 Chainz may be a pioneer of ignorant rap, but he's rumored to have graduated college with a 4.0 GPA. Lady Gaga, Julien Casablancas, and Lana Del Rey were all born to rich parents. Imagine if our adolescent years were documented as much as Drake's, for millions of people to access, consume, and judge. Being rich or middle (or way upper) class doesn't make up for a lack of authenticity and the ability for people to relate to your music. An artist could be dead broke and lack those things.

He's Sus

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He's Sus

The easiest slur to toss at a heterosexual male? "Gay." Is he too handsome (Ryan Gosling)? Gay. Is he too successful (Warren Buffett)? Gay. Is he too in touch with his feelings (Drake)? Gay. It doesn't make sense to equate traditionally "non-masculine" actions with homosexuality. It's also bigoted. Just because Drake buys an experience shower doesn't mean he's gay. Just because Drake enjoys Martini Moscato d'Asti sparkling wine doesn't mean he's gay. Just because Drake has super pouty lips doesn't mean he's gay.

Until Drake himself tells the world "I'm Gay" (No Lil B) there shouldn't be a reason to question his heterosexuality. Not even if he adopts a Morkie.

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