So: In the video above, you'll see a supercut of a bunch of rappers, rapping about their Jewish lawyers.
- Sheek Louch
- Styles P
- Jim Jones
- 50 Cent
- Rick Ross
- A$AP Ferg
- Action Bronson
And many, many more. As even the most casual listener surely knows by now, rap is full of lyrics about Jewish lawyers.
As the son of a Jewish lawyer, I'm pretty familiar with what a Jewish lawyer is like. And I have no doubt that many of these guys are, in fact, telling the truth: That their lawyers are Jewish.
That said, please indulge a little bit of real talk, here, for any aspiring rapper looking for a Jew Lawyer (or lawyer aspiring to get a Rapper Client Who Raps About Them):
Jewish lawyers are no better than any other kind of lawyer, and (good) Jewish lawyers will tell you that. The fact that many of us are genetically predisposed to curly, dark hair and often have circumsized dicks will not help you beat the feds. Sorry.
Jewish lawyers are not plenty in supply, but just because you found a Jewish lawyer does not make you special. The percentage of Jewish lawyers has actually been steadily decreasing. But mostly because the number of lawyers is increasing.
Your "Jewish" lawyer may be lying about being Jewish. If you watch Breaking Bad, you are familiar with this technique. I have no doubt somebody has done this in real life, and really disappointed someone looking for a Great Jewish Lawyer.
It's a really, really, really dumb stereotype in 2013. It's not one that really offends us Jews so much as makes you think that you are looking for the wrong things in a lawyer. Like whether or not they were Bar or Bat Mitzvah'd.
That said—AND IF YOU TAKE AWAY ANYTHING FROM THIS DUMBASS SUPERCUT, TAKE THIS AWAY—there is actually some historical gravity in this stereotype, and it has roots that go back to Black-Jewish relations in America during the Civil Rights Movement. In the Jewish religion, justice, equitable life for all, and fights against oppression are (supposed to be) a really, really big deal both spiritually and culturally (see: the entire holiday of Passover, the Holocaust, etc). And in the middle of the 20th centurty, when much of America was still racist as shit, a bunch of (yes) New York Jew Lawyers took their (Jewish Lawyer) tuchi down south to fight against the hick-ass rednecks who were infringing on the civil rights of African-Americans. About one in every two lawyers who were challenging Jim Crow laws in the South and fighting for civil rights in the 1960s were—yes—Jewish. And a bunch of them ended up staying there, in the South. (Which is partly why, true story, Atlanta has one of the largest Jewish populations in America).
That's not to say that Jewish-African American relations have always been, uh, perfect over the years. (Hi, Crown Heights riots.) But at the very least, Jewish lawyers and African-Americans have roots that go way deeper than the tired rap cliche that every Jew with an attache is going to help you beat your case.
That said, I've never met a Jew who doesn't love a good schvitz. You can keep using that one, rappers.