The Top Five People I Murdered On My Way To Work Today

It's too hot in New York City.

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People I murdered on the way to work this morning:

1) Bus driver who was eight minutes late to pick up my kid for camp

2) Old woman who was walking too slowly on the sidewalk on 5th Ave. near Dekalb St.

3) One of the people walking up the wrong side of the stairs leading down to the D Train track at Atlantic/Pacific Station who made me miss departing D Train

4) One of the people on the overcrowded D Train who would not push into the center of the car when so many other people were pressed together like, hotter, sweatier, smellier cattle in the area near the doors

5) The otherwise perfectly pleasant-looking gentleman who was holding the same subway pole that I was holding and kept brushing his bare arm against my bare arm at various turns of our underground trip

 

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