The Biggest Hip-Hop Fails of 2013 (So Far)

Date: 4/17/2013

Controversy shrouded Jay-Z and Beyonce's trip to Cuba. Americans can only visit Cuba as part of an academic or educational program. You then must get a license to actually travel from the U.S. Treasury Department. Conservatives were up in arms. Barry maintained his position that he had nothing to do with Jayonce's Cuba trip. When they returned with pictures of a vacation, Conservatives got even more mad (as they tend to do). Hip-Hop-loving Senator Marc Rubio penned an angry letter to Jay-Z that would be the fuel for Jay to release a new song.

On "Open Letter," Jay-Z continues his quest to tell the boldest boasts. He claims to have White House clearance, and a chummy enough relationship with the president that Obama would invite him to sunbathe on a beach with him. He actually has neither. Barry doesn't need anymore stress than he already has. Jay-Z could have spared him a few headaches, but in the end Barack Hussein Obama played it off with a well-written "99 Problems" joke (after approaching the podium to "All We Do Is Win") during the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner.

Related: President Obama Himself Addresses Jay-Z and Beyoncé's Cuba Trip

Date: 5/9/2013

This could happen to any of us. If it did, all the attention this slip-up would get would be a vague mention of running into a signpost in a Facebook status. But none of us are Kanye West. He's flanked by paparazzi. He's attempting to walk down the street in peace, and he simply doesn't see the sign. What happens next is common behavior. You lash out to blame someone else for something that was your fault. Kanye wants to hit the photog, and does instruct him sternly to stop taking pictures. He's angry. He wants to blame everyone else. In an uncharacteristic move, he centers himself and continues on with baby momma in tow. This, of course, birthed an "I Hit It First" meme photo because why not meme everything, right?

Related: KANYE'S HEAD SMASH WHY SO SERIOUS?

Date: 5/15/2013

When the initial picture of Do Right And Kill Everything sporting a full-on Dada Short Set hit the Internet, befuddlement pervaded these digital streets. "Damani Dada? What is going on here?" we thought. What first appeared to just be Drake wearing the clothes Chris Webber had in a box to take to Goodwill turned out to be a behind the scenes look at the 90's-inspired video treatment for "No New Friends."

And much like with every thing that happens ever now on the Internet, the memes began. Drake heading a soccer ball. They didn't stop. Drake taking a Superkick from Shawn Michaels. They got more absurd. Drake as the Morton Salt Girl. The nonsense continued for the better part of a week. Even though it was obvious that Drake was joking around with his best buds. A camera just happened to get him in a ridiculous pose with no context. We're sure he looked at all these pictures muttering "No new memes. No new memes. No new memes. No. No. New."

Related: The 25 Funniest Drake in Dada Memes

Date: 5/22/2013

Tim Dog is widely known for helping to launch the East Coast/West Coast beef, thanks to his song "Fuck Compton." Tim Dog also reportedly died of complications from diabetes in May. Fans mourned. But then things got weird. The funeral was canceled. No death certificate or autopsy existed. The original report of his death on The Source's website was removed or changed or whatever the original author wants us to believe.

Classically handsome journalist Drew Millard channeled his inner-Columbo and attempted to track down Tim Dog, speaking with multiple women that The Dog conned out of thousands upon thousands of dollars. The further down the rabbit hole you go the stranger this entire story becomes. Tim Dog's tale of deceit even includes a European tour of African-American male strippers.

Eventually, police opened an investigation to look into Tim Dog faking his own death, even going so far as to have a warrant issued for a believed-to-be dead person. Someone even called Tim Dog's phone, and (possibly, maybe) Tim Dog answered. Where is Tim Dog? Heaven? Purgatory? Mississippi?

Related: An Arrest Warrant Has Been Issued for Tim Dog, Who May or May Not Be Dead

Date: 5/22/2013

The first thing you think about when someone says "Cash Money Records" is "Lil Chuckee." The second thing you think of is "Caskey." The third you think of is "Aziatix."

Okay. We're not really sure where we are going with this, other than to highlight that Cash Money signs a lot of people that you have never heard of. Paris Hilton's signing came a year after Cash Money signed the relevancy-deficient nu-metal band Limp Bizkit, because what's more absurd than signing Limp Bizkit to a record deal in 2013? The answer: signing Paris Hilton. It's reported that she has an album coming out this summer that features a song with Lil Wayne. So we have that to look forward to. Hopefully, it includes a Fred Durst verse or two. On the plus side, Birdman never pays any artists or producers, so at least any money she makes off anything from them, she won't actually receive.

BONUS: Y'all remember when Wayne said "And I can't, can't, can't forget Brisco" on his "We Takin' Over" verse, and then did?

Related: Paris Hilton Signs With Cash Money Records

Date: 5/30/2013

You would think after Yung Berg's chains tried to find Carmen Sandiego that he would maybe wise up, but nay. Video vixens and women of Superhead and Kat Stacks' ilk move up by capitalizing on someone else's misfortune or exposing someone. The two were photographed together getting cozy, showing off their matching Cartier bracelets and more. Superhead claimed they were dating. Yung Berg denied it.

According to Media Take Out, after some ladies sent Karrine photos of them hanging out with Yung Berg, she began telling people about how Yung Berg would come over to her house drunk, occasionally beating and choking her. Who knows what side is telling the truth. Women are crazy. Rappers are crazy. Shouts to Yung Berg for co-producing "My Hoes They Do Drugs."

Date: 6/2/2013

Oh no! A wild Papoose appeared!

We imagine the younger generation had no clue who this person was that hopped on stage after Kendrick Lamar to perform at Summer Jam. For context, a time existed where DJ Kay Slay tried his hardest to convince the world that Papoose was the savior hip hop needed. The chicanery ultimately succeeded, landing Papoose a $1.5 million dollar contract with Jive in 2005. Eight years later, he released the widely-unanticipated Nacirema Dream, and pulled a Lil Mama stage crash. Papoose Rip Van Winkles it up by waving a gang bandanna/flag around like it is 2004. Though to be fair, that song was probably written in 2004.

Kids: If Papoose can get one point five million dollars, you can literally do anything you ever dreamed of no matter how fucking dumb it is.

Related: Watch Papoose's Summer Jam Performancet

Date: 6/10/2013

This made sense? Drake introducing FIFA 2014? It had to have to made sense to someone at EA for this to have happened. Drake used "Balotelli" as a rhyme once; he is a self-admitted fútbol and FIFA fanatic. But, it's painfully obvious that the crowd has no idea who he is. Only four people clap for him.

Drake's "white principal giving morning announcements" voice only increases the awkward levels. Also, no one believes that he cares about the developers at EA making the game. Though, he probably got $50K to do that... so maybe the joke is on us?

Related: Drake Introduces "FIFA 14" at EA's Press Conference in Los Angeles (Video)

Date: 6/17/2013

Chief Keef is no stranger to trouble. There was that whole mocking another kid's death thing... then that Instagram thing... But 2013 guided to Chief to even more trouble. That video interview he did with Pitchfork at a gun range, ended up being evidence that he violated his parole (for being around and firing weapons). He was sentenced to a juvenile detention center for two months only, one month after Finally Rich. The day after he went to juvenile detention, he was sued for $75,000 for not showing up to a concert in London he was to perform at. You'd think maybe that's it. We're no where close.

Less than a week after being released from jail, Almighty Sosa was arrested at his hotel for drugs and disorderly conduct, ultimately being released later that day. A week later he gets arrested for going twice the speed limit, and then makes bond. There's more. Keef shows up for his speeding ticket court date, gets 18 months of probation. He walks out of the courtroom only to be arrested on an old trespassing warrant. But wait: there's more. He was served his second paternity suit the same day. Awful luck, that Chief Keef has.

Related: Chief Keef Arrested

Date: 6/24/2013

Mobb Deep member Havoc joined the upper echelon of celebrities who have had their dicktures leaked to the masses: Pete Wentz, Anthony Weiner, Kanye West, Big Sean, Joe Budden, Chris Brown, etc. We suppose he's in good company. Around this time last year, Havoc claimed that his account was hacked when a handful of diss tweets about Prodigy were sent. He denied that he sent those tweets, but then later recanted.

It would appear this time it actually got hacked. Several tweets were sent out with a picture of his engorged nether regions proving that there ain't no such things as half-way crooked. The Hacker changed his bio to read "Alcoholic Asshole. I get everyone pregnant and run. I also shit on everyone who has been there for me." Ouch. That's personal. Twitter suspended his account, and he has yet to return. If we never see another rapper's dingaling for the rest of 2013, we can consider this a successful year.

Related: Havoc's Twitter Just Got Hacked, and It Ain't Pretty