You know what’s way better than Francis Scott Key’s “The Star-Spangled Banner”? R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix).” Backed by that bit of common knowledge behind it, a new entry on the often hilarious petition section of WhiteHouse.gov asks the Obama administration to adjust our national anthem accordingly. If this thing reaches the 100,000 signatures mark (quite a leap from its 615, last we checked), the POTUS will be asked to give Kellz’ masterpiece of automotive double entendres its rightful place as the US anthem (or at least to appease us with a joke and some recognition).
Read the fantastic request below and do your civic duty by signing the petition right here. And remember: Ask not what R. Kelly can do for you — ask what you can do for R. Kelly.
We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen. America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it's the afterparty, and that after the party, it's the hotel lobby, and--perhaps most importantly--that 'round about four, you've got to clear the lobby, at which point it's strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody. President Obama: we ask you to recognize the evolution of this beautiful country and give us an anthem that better suits the glorious nation we have become.