The Vapors "Turning Japanese" (1980)

Hot 100 Peak Position: No. 36

Yes, this song is about masturbation. It's also wildly politically incorrect. Some urban legends peg it as a marijuana anthem because you can barely keep your eyes open when smoking pot, but the same goes for cranking one out. The bridge even goes: "No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women." If dude's "got your picture," what else is there left to do?