How do you deal with insecurity and jealousy? Do you just have to have the ultimate faith and trust in the guy?
You have to have absolute faith in your partner. And when I say partner, I mean seriously partner. I’m not talking about the dude that you’re just talking to. If that’s your main girl or main guy, you have to have faith and if you believe they’re right for you, that they’re not going to do anything to disrespect your relationship. For me especially, the type of industry I’m in, I’m going to need someone who is equally just as confident and comfortable if not more because there tends to be this stigma attached to being in the limelight and granted—you do have more opportunity thrown at you. It comes down to faith and trust in your partner. I know I’ve dated guys where I’m like “If I was away, you might play.”
And then there are other guys that I’m like, “If I was away, I trust you to handle your business and whatever should happen.” Because like I said, things happen. Sometimes people get caught up and you see someone you haven’t run into in a long time and I don’t know, you have a feeling for them and you exchange a couple conversations. But you have to trust that your partner won’t take it to that level of disrespect. You have to let your partner have the room to be able to handle it and make their own decisions. You can’t try to micromanage someone else’s life. It’s just, you have to let people live and learn on their own. You have to have trust and that’s the foundation first.
Are you in a relationship now?
No, I’m not.
Have you had those instances of insecurities from an ex saying something like, “Make sure you keep it clean when you hit the studio with him tonight?”
Guys are never going to come out and be like, 'I feel a little jealous.' Guys tend to express a little bit differently, I think. They’re a little bit more passive aggressive.
I’ve never had a guy outright have that conversation with me like, “Yo, don’t go out there and do...” I’m a faithful girlfriend. There’s never going to be guys calling or like—you know, all of that. It just comes down to trust, your partner needs to know. If my partner needs to know I’m a flirtatious type of person, but that’s as far as it goes, then they need to know that about me as well and accept me for that. But they need to know and have ultimate faith that I’m not going to do that. I think that with guys, especially being a woman, guys are never going to come out and be like, “I feel a little jealous.”
Guys tend to express a little bit differently, I think. They’re a little bit more passive aggressive. For a girl they’re going to be like, “Yo, who was that?” Whereas a guy is going to stand in the background and give the other guy a little bit of shade. He might be like, “Yeah, what’s up bruh?” He’s not going to be openly friendly. As a woman, I need to read my partner’s energy and secure his insecurity because I think that’s what it’s about. If your partner feels some kind of way, you have to reassure them you have nothing to worry about.
When you’re dating for a time, and you get to that blurry area between just hanging and being in a real defined relationship. Do you think that’s a conversation that needs to be had? Or just wait until things are obvious?
At this point in my life, I’m grown. I have every right in the world to be like, “Hey, I’m just going to let you know what’s up.” I feel like it’s honest. I have no problem telling someone I love them, whether I’m in a relationship or not. If I love you and I care about you, I’m just going to tell you that as a friend or whatever. Any dude who gets shook by me telling him that I’m feeling him or I like him and he gets shook off of that, he’s not the guy for me anyway.
And it’s probably better for me to know that. I just feel like you have to just keep it real and I feel like a friendship is always the main thing. It’s like if you’re my friend and that’s what it is, you’re my friend, then we should be able to have a conversation based off of respect and friendship to be like, “Yo, this is how I’m feeling.” If you’re not feeling the same way then that’s cool too. But we just need to discuss it rather than avoiding the elephant in the room.
You’re not one of those girls who are super guarded to let people know you care.
Everybody is afraid of rejection. That’s why nobody steps up and says anything. If a guy comes up to me and expresses himself to me, even if I don’t reciprocate the feelings I have to respect him for being honest. When it comes to me, sure I have my reservations.
But if I have to hesitate about being honest with the person I’m talking to, then I probably don’t feel comfortable with them. For me to have those types of feelings about somebody, I have to be comfortable enough to be able to talk to them. If I have hesitation like “I don’t know if I can tell this person this” then that says it all right there. That probably says, “Okay, see how this pans out.” If I feel like if it’s someone who can handle it, then I have no problem saying it.
When do you know it’s over? A lot of people spend a lot of time trying to patch up a bad relationship. How do you know it’s a wrap and you need to move on?
It’s a wrap when there’s nothing left to be said or done. It’s a wrap when you’ve exhausted every conversation, every effort and basically the other person doesn’t want to try anymore. Relationships are going to be work. They don’t have to be hard work. But they’re work. And I feel like when one person is willing to give more than the other and you’re not on the same level anymore, it’s a wrap.
There’s no point in being with somebody who doesn’t want to be with you, that’s just the long and short of it. You can’t force that. If I’m like “I want to make this work” and the other person is like, “Well, I don’t” then it’s a wrap. It’s another conversation to be like, “I want to make it work, too. I just don’t know how.” Then you work together and say “Let’s try together.” But if it’s one sided—if I don’t love you anymore or if you don’t love me anymore—it’s a wrap.
That last question was so sad.
Here’s what you can end on: I absolutely believe that life is about love, and I feel like it is about that chase of always wanting to have it and keep it and secure it. And in that chase you’re going to have to lose it a few times. I really believe that it’s possible, though. I believe in ultimate love. I really, really do. You can’t have it unless you believe in it. But to have it, you have to go through some shit to get there.