5 Other Washed Up Acts Cash Money Should Sign

Since they already signed Limp Bizkit, we figure YMCMB could afford to sign a few more washed-up acts.

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Image via Complex Original
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A few weeks back, Lil Wayne got on the radio and announced that Limp Bizkit had signed with Cash Money Records. “They’re signing everybody,” claimed Wayne. Indeed they are. Late last year, Cash money also signed veteran rappers Busta Rhymes and Mystikal (so much for Young Money). And there are rumors that Ashanti might also sign with the label. Clearly, YMCMB is on a spending spree.

Now, we weren’t all that mad at Baby for putting Busta and Mystikal on the roster. After all, last year Busta was featured “Look At Me Now” which was a huge smash. And according to Mystikal, Slim and Baby have been trying to get him to sign to Cash Money for years. However, Limp fucking Bizkit? You mean that washed up band with the most annoying frontman in the history of rock? Really?

Since the label seems determined to blow all hard earned money Nicki Minaj, Drake, and Lil Wayne are generating for them, we figured why not help them out? That’s why we found some more totally washed up acts they should sign and imagined what it would look like if they did...

Written by Insanul Ahmed (@Incilin)

Lisa Loeb

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Lisa Loeb

What she’s been up to: Although she never emulated the success of her first single “Stay (I Missed You),” Loeb is not a one hit wonder. She had numerous hits in the ‘90s as well as two gold albums. However, throughout the aughts Loeb stopped making mainstream music and opted to make children’s music. In 2006, she starred in an E! reality show about her dating life called Number 1 Single and in 2010, she cashed in on her signature look by starting the Lisa Loeb Eyewear Collection.

Why YMCMB should sign her: Turn the radio on and turn the radio up and all you hear is Young Money artists singing their songs. Clearly, they’ve cornered the market. Now they need to corner the hipster market which is too cool to listen to radio.

Complex says: Just look at the glasses! Lisa Loeb is obviously the Original Gangster Hipster. We’d bet there’s at least 15 girls in Williamsburg ironically dressed up as Lisa Loeb right now.

Matchbox Twenty

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Matchbox Twenty

What they’ve been up to: The band hasn’t released an album in nearly a decade. Meanwhile, lead singer Rob Thomas did pursue a solo career and drop two fairly successful albums. However, the band has reunited for the second time in 10 years and is apparently working on one of the least anticipated albums of the year.

Why YMCMB should sign them: On their hit “Real World,” Rob Thomas claimed he always wondered what it’s like to be the rainmaker. We’re pretty sure Weezy could teach him.

Complex says: Actually, Rob Thomas is kind of a good song writer (if cheesy adult contemporary elevator music is your thing).

Ricky Martin

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Ricky Martin

What he’s been up to: After his career peaked in 1999 with his huge smash “Livin’ La Vida Loca,” he slowly became less and less relevant. By 2005 he took a brief hiatus from the music game. However, in 2010 he made headlines when he came out of the closet and admitted he was gay. Since then, he’s written a New York Times best selling auto-biography titled Me, dropped a new album, and next month he’ll be playing Ché in the Broadway revival of Evita.

Why YMCMB should sign him: If Lady Gaga has proven anything, it’s that catering to the gay and lesbian crowd can lead to boatloads of money. If Aventura has proven anything, it’s that being a legitimate Latin music act can lead to boatloads of money. If Birdman has proven anything, it’s that he needs a boatload of money to waste betting on this year’s NBA Finals.

Complex says: Added bonus to Ricky Martin signing to YMCMB: Lil Wayne will finally have a buddy to go pants shopping with.

NSYNC

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*NSYNC

What they’ve been up to: With the obvious exception of Justin Timberlake, none of these guys have done anything remotely relevant in the last two years besides Joey Fatone who hosts the reality game show The Singing Bee and is an announcer on Family Feud.

Why YMCMB should sign them: Yeah, yeah, yeah we know Drake says he doesn’t care about what haters say. But let’s be for real: If the number one trending topic on Twitter is about your eyebrows and your whole steez is being a sensitive guy, you’re not going to feel some kinda way?

We suspect that despite his best efforts, the criticism gets to Drake. So what better way to deflect the hate than give him a sidekick? Better yet, how about a whole group of sidekicks who are wayyy cornier than Drake will ever be? Oh but no JT though...

Complex says: If you don’t think Justin Timberlake is way too past an N’SYNC reunion you probably think like a teen-aged girl think of it this way: Years ago, JT wasn’t entertaining questions about an 'NSYNC reunion because he was focused on his solo career. Nowadays, JT isn’t trying to entertain any questions about his singing career because he’s too focused on his acting career. So, um yeah, he’s kinda over all that boy band shit.

Crazy Town

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Crazy Town

What she’s been up to: After scoring a number one hit smash with “Butterfly,” their debut album The Gift of Game went platinum in 2000. They released a flop of a follow-up in 2002 and basically fell off the map. Sadly, two of their members have since passed away.

Why YMCMB should sign them: Lil Wayne has awful taste in rock music.

Complex says: As awful as that “Butterfly” song is, it’s still better than Weezy’s “How To Love.”

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