Act Like Ya Know! Judging Actors With Rap "Careers"

Act Like Ya Know! Judging Actors With Rap "Careers"

DAVID FAUSTINO, A.K.A. D' LIL
Acting resumé: Two words: Bud motherfuckin' Bundy. His Married with Children days may be long gone, but Faustino and fellow child-star-turned-rapper Corin Nemec (from Parker Lewis Can't Lose) have turned their experiences in post-fame fuckery into Star-ving, an internet series which has them in on the joke.
Rap resumé: We really wish that everyone who Faustino rapped for had laughed in his face and continued laughing, but white people and/or studio audiences are easily entertained, as you can see in this clip of him rapping as Grandmaster B on Married with Children. Cackles turned to applause and the pint-sized TV star put out his album Balistyx in 1992 (not coincidentally, the L.A. club he owns is also called Balistyx). We wish we could take the guns he makes with his fingers in the video for "I Told Ya" (above) and blow our shit loose.
Verdict: Stick to the script!

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IDRIS ELBA, A.K.A. DRIIS
Acting resumé: Even if he never makes another decent thing in life, Elba played Stringer Bell, one of the best characters on arguably the best TV show ever. So fuck it, make another Obsessed, mate.
Rap resumé: We were fine with the Londoner DJing, but when he began putting out a tossed salad of rap, soul, and reggae—starting with 2006's Big Man EP—we had to tune him out. Decidedly so-so in all three genres, he'll never broadcast through "the wire" of our headphones.
Verdict: Stick to the script!

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MR. T
Acting resumé: We pity the fool who doesn't know about Mr. T, so if you don't, go rent Rocky III and a season of The A-Team. Pity, we say!
Rap resumé: In 1984, Mr. T put out Be Somebody... or Be Somebody's Fool!, a motivational video with raps for the kids, as well as his child-friendly rap album, Mr. T's Commandments. On some Nancy Reagan shit (you know, if she were black, had a Mohawk, wore 37 pounds of gold, and had a gravel voice), he taught yesteryear's youth to be somebody and not use drugs using some of the most simple-sounding old-school raps you'll ever hear. We said "NO!" to this child propaganda, 'cause even back then we were disappointed he wasn't talking about p-popping and flipping over cop cars.
Verdict: Stick to the script

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GARY COLEMAN, A.K.A. THE OUTLAW AND THE INDIAN
Acting resumé: Not only was Coleman a HUGE sensation playing Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes, but we're pretty sure he's the only cast member who never smoked crack.
Rap resumé: When it's 1986, and you're at the height of your fame, and you have a chance to make a fool of yourself doing a Western-themed rap single called "The Outlaw and the Indian" with Dion Mial, a co-worker's highly effeminate son who happens to be a former Michael Jackson impersonator, you don't pause to question. You do that shit! Listen, we're not saying this single was the cause of Coleman's recent death, but we wouldn't be surprised, either.
Verdict: Stick to the script!

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Tags: community, dirt-nasty, donald-glover, drake, idris-elba, simon-rex
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