LISTEN: Ice Cube "Hood Mentality" (2008)

LYRIC: "I wanna be like Tiger Woods, swing that club, make you sick/(I wanna be like Pacman Jones), (I wanna be like Michael Vick)/I wanna be like Barry Bonds, (I wanna be like O.J. Simpson)/Leave this field, leave this prison, tell you motherfuckers where to kiss 'em."
GOLF SCORE: PAR. We're not sure when golf was ever really considered a viable way out the hood or why Ice Cube groups Tiger with a handful of publicly hung derelicts some years pre-scandal, but Cube is still our OG so we can look at the ground and pretend to be cool with it like when our dad used to claim hook shots were worth four when we played him one on one in basketball.


LISTEN: Nelly "Warrior" (2008)

LYRIC: "I just wanted to sell a mil, whoever thought I'd do thirty/Hey, well maybe I did, but never this early/Every time they doubted me, like Tiger Woods/But I kept comin' back, like Tiger would."
GOLF SCORE: TAKE A MULLIGAN HOMIE. "Doubted you like Tiger Woods?" You do mean Tiger Woods the most dominant athlete in the history of sport who everyone more or less expects to win every tournament he enters. That Tiger Woods?


LISTEN: Common "Hungry" (1997)

LYRIC: "Flow at room temperature, cats is presumed miniature/Like golf, soft like Tiger Woods/At real nigga angles I've stood."
GOLF SCORE: BIRDIE. Annie Leibovitz can vouch that Tiger is half-way diesel, but when Common rapped this, it was when we would have assumed he could still whoop some ass. He had an album called Can I Borrow A Dollar? and used to stay rocking a lazy ass bucket. Poor people are usually really good at fighting.


LISTEN: Talib Kweli on Reflection Eternal's "This Means You" (2000)

LYRIC: "My facts more than make up for what you lack in imagination/You more confused than Tiger Woods when he made up Cablinasian/I'm sayin"
GOLF SCORE: BOGEY. Slowwww dowwwwwn.


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