weezy-band-aid

LISTEN: Lil Wayne "Swag Surfin' (freestyle)" (2009)

LYRIC: "Walk around like I'm 30 feet tall/Tiger Woods, all these hoes tryna birdie these balls."
GOLF SCORE: EAGLE. Wayne succeeds because Tiger's name kind of just falls out of his mouth like hundred dollar bill while he's emptying his pockets of a bunch of candy he just shoplifted from the gas station.

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jayzbeyoncestbarts

LISTEN: Jay-Z "Who You Wit II" (1997)

LYRIC: "Jay-Z rated A-G baby, that's all good/I sink this ball in your hole, I'm Tiger Woods!"
GOLF SCORE: BIRDIE. We're not going to say that hip hop didn't care about golf until Jay-Z put it in a rhyme because really, hip hop still doesn't care about golf. What hip hop does care about, though, are Nike commercials.

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luda-stage

LISTEN: Ludacris on DJ Felli Fel's "Get Buck In Here" (2007)

LYRIC: "I stroke so good like Tiger Woods/Then I...raowwwr like a tiger would."
GOLF SCORE: BOGEY. Luda isn't the first rapper to openly acknowledge deviant sexual behavior, but hearing him talk about what goes on with furries behind closed cellar doors is not what we want to hear when we're two-stepping in the club.

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maino

LISTEN: Maino "Tiger Woods (Get Em Tiger)" (2009)

LYRIC: "I got women in the 'burbs, women in the the hood/Yeah my wifey mad 'cause she know I'm no good/Man I'm just a dog, I'd be faithful if I could/But, I'm Tiger Woods, yeah, I'm Tiger Woods."
GOLF SCORE: BIRDIE. On the heels of the never-ending revelations about Tiger's stable of mistresses, the BK rapper was the first to flip the scandal into a decent (if predictable) ode to infidelity. He probably hasn't fucked as many Playmates as Tiger, but landing Mya and Lil' Kim has gotta count for something.

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