If you missed Jersey Shore's Guido invasion on Late Night With Conan O'Brien last night, here's what you need to know. The Situation rocked a silver blazer with the shirt collar popped over it. The Situation kissed Megan Mullally's hand like he was Sir Lancelot or some shit. The Situation gave Conan a new nickname ("The Solution"). All well and good, but here's the thing: The Situation said that someone had made him an offer to RECORD A RAP SONG. Yes, that's how he phrased it, and yes, we think that's a good idea. But why stop at one song?
Come see us at the 'Plex HQ, son; we've got the connects and the artist management skills to lace you with the hottest mixtape the skreets have ever seen. Better yet, we'll tailor that mixtape to your strengths and interests, even pulling in guest features from rappers sure to give you the credibility you could clearly not care less about having in the African-American community. Don't believe us? Peep after the jump for the tracklisting we've prepared for you. Every one of them a banger, guaranteed...
THE SITUATION'S "MISTAH AB" MIXTAPE
1. "Verses From The Ab-stract" feat. Q-Tip & Taylor Lautner
2. "Pump It Up" feat. Juicy J, OJ da Juiceman, and Juice
3. "Every Girl Pt. 2 (Any Girl)" feat. Young Money
4. "Pimpin' Ain't Easy" feat. Sammi Sweetheart
5. "The New Workout Plan" feat. Lil' Cease
6. "Imaginary Player" feat. Yung Berg
7. "Sleepin' On Jersey"
8. "Pop Ya Collar (Out Over Ya Lapels)"
9. "Bronzer Vs. Fonzworth" feat. Fonzworth Bentley
10. "You're So Vain" feat. Carly Simon & John Forté
11. "Salt N Peppers N Sausage Is Here" feat. Salt N Pepa
12. "Otha Fish" feat. Pauly D
13. "Shaolin's Veiniest" feat. Ghostface
BONUS: A SAMPLE VERSE FROM "THE NEW WORKOUT PLAN," FEAT. LIL CEASE:
Ooh girl, your silhoutte make me wanna do a thousand reps
My name's Mike S. from the Jersey set, Ronnie said work them pecs
Ooh, girl your skin is CHARRED
Under the black light in these BARS
Cooked that shit like a chicken paillard
But I still pump a fist like a black pan-thar
We ain't sweatin' to this club shit until our hair is sculpted
Maybe one day girl we can bone
Unless you drop me for a jabroni, wow
But I'm still sellin' these t-shirts with these bronzed and well-plucked features
1 and you brought 2 dudes, OK, what the fuck is this—3? THAT'S rude
4 more? Do you know the Situation has 5, 6, 7, 8,
To pull these hot tub skeezers, you gotta use these tweezers
You gotta get your slore on before the Jersey Shore's gone
Guidos, guidettes, moussed-head juiceheads...