#57:

"You can miss me with that 'he can't rap' shit / Tell them faggot ass niggas to wrap they lips around my dick"
-Young Jeezy "Top Back (Remix)"

COMPLEX SAYS: We guess you could call that "Homo-Thug Motivation 101"

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#56:

"I heard you blew a nigga with a ox for the phone piece"
-Nas "One Love"

COMPLEX SAYS: That's how Paul Bunyan got herpes!

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#55:

"Picture me payin' for pussy when the dick's for free / Hey now! Where my niggaz at?"
-2Pac "Thug Nature" / "Niggaz Nature (Remix)"

COMPLEX SAYS: 'Pac knew a bargain when he saw one.

 


#54:

"I relieve rappers just like Tylenol"
-Big Daddy Kane "Raw"

COMPLEX SAYS: Well, at least he didn't say Asprin.

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#53:

"How do it feel, to hold my dick in public? / Cock-blower..."
-Prodigy "Keep it Thoro"

COMPLEX SAYS: Come on, everyone knows dickholding is a private affair.

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#52:

"That light-skinned brother with mad shaft up your fuckin ass."
-Redman "Tonight's Da Night (Remix)"

COMPLEX SAYS: Def Jam said Reggie Noble's original rap name was too long, so they he just went with Redman.

 


#51:

"Cause we they leaders, and they the followers / And we the nut-busters and they the swallowers'"
-Kanye West "Gossip Files"

COMPLEX SAYS: We heard that salmon give crazy head too!

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#50:

"The boys in the hood are always hard."
-Eazy-E "Boyz In The Hood"

COMPLEX SAYS: So that's why they don't advertise Viagra in Compton.

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#49:

"I get in butt styles like a hard up homosexual"
-Tajai from Del's "Burnt"

COMPLEX SAYS: The mystery of what kind of "Mischief" the Souls were getting into has finally been solved.

 


#48:

"Swimming in my Daddy's big nuts"
-Grand Puba from Brand Nubian's "Step To The Rear"

COMPLEX SAYS: So Nas was "swimming in women like a lifeguard," and now we know what Puba was doing.

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#47:

"So inane—I cause Colon Blow pain"
-El-P "Linda Tripp"

COMPLEX SAYS: Inane? Someone's showing off their big diction.

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#46:

"Fuck it, throw the eight in your mouth"
-Sean Price from Heltah Skeltah's "Twinz" (2008)

COMPLEX SAYS: That's embarrassing—even Snow had 12 inches!

 


#45:

"If ya gal look fine you better hide the bitch / Cause if I find her I'ma fuckin make her suck my dick / That goes for your momma and your sister too / And if I'm locked down, then hell, that shit might go for you / Don't try to get no false nuts, I take 'em sucker."
-Pimp C from UGK's "Cocaine In The Back Of The Ride"

COMPLEX SAYS: Rest in pause, Pimp.

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#44:

"Gap teeth in your mouth, so my dick's gotsta fit"
Dr. Dre "Fuckin' Wit' Dre Day"

COMPLEX SAYS: Don't get pricked by the Doctor's needle dick injection!

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#43:

"Don't they know my nigga Gutta fuckin' kidnap kids? / Fuck 'em in the ass, throw 'em over the bridge"
-The Notorious B.I.G. "What's Beef"

COMPLEX SAYS: Beef is... what a pedophile gives kids for their last meal.

*Officer Nohomo Note: RIP Poppa

 


#42:

"Better believe that, whenever I see y'all I'ma test ya / Only cause I know that faggots respect pressure"
-Jadakiss on Fat Joe's "John Blaze"

COMPLEX SAYS: So this is what Aretha Franklin was talking about.

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#41:

"Been there, done that / Sold crack, got jacked / Got shot, came back / Jumped on Dre's back!"
-The Game "Westside Story"

COMPLEX SAYS: This is actually part of Dre's Wednesday workout routine.

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#40:

"You look so good huh, I suck on your daddy's dick"
-The Notorious B.I.G. "Me & My Bitch"

COMPLEX SAYS: Because your mother's dick is too small.

*Officer Nohomo Note: Damn, Biggie you still the greatest pause.

 


#39:

"Everybody freeze, on ya knees, butt naked please"
-Ice Cube "Bow Down"

COMPLEX SAYS: After WC & Mack 10's numerous complaints, the Westside Connection finally changed their initiation ritual.

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#38:

[N] Son who laced you with the ill haircut?
[A] Lenny, he blessed me with the sharp blade, that nigga's paid
[N] He make a pretty penny
[A] Fo'sho, you hurt 'em with the new Prada's (true)
[A] Check mines they royal blue
[N] My shits is baby blue
[A] They powder blue (yo' shits is hotter)
[A] You hotter with them frames on
[N] Nigga you James Bond, and you stay low
[A] Y'know my style babe bro (yeah, make dough)
[N] Manicure, facial, face glow
[A] Fuck it, if you say so."

-Nas and AZ "The Essence"

COMPLEX SAYS: What is this, Projects Runway?

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#37:

"Muthafucka, I'll rip your butthole out of place!"
-DMX "Top Shotter"

COMPLEX SAYS: That's gotta be at least 30 days on the disabled list.

*Officer Nohomo Note: life n jail

 


#36:

"Week before that, I was out in Italy/Italian heart-throbs could not get rid of me"
-Pharrell from Clipse's "Mr. Me Too"

COMPLEX SAYS: Only 'cause he got kicked out of Greece!

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#35:

"You the tightest muthafucka let me find out / When I pull mines out / I could gaffle Mr. Keebler for all his Chips Ahoy out the Choc Town House"
-Redman from Def Squad's "No Guest List"

COMPLEX SAYS: We always had questions about Mr. Keebler too.

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#34:

"I might dick in ya ass quick fast like my name was Flash / When a nigga try to rob me for my cash."
-Lord Jamar "Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down"

COMPLEX SAYS: You think that's bad? Touch his iPhone and see what happens.

 


#33:

"Flamboyant For Life!"
-Big L "Flamboyant"

COMPLEX SAYS: In the unreleased "Ebonics (Remix)", L clarified: "When you call yourself Flamboyant that means you're totally heterosexual"

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#32:

"Let me get some action from the back section"
-The Beastie Boys "Body Movin'"

COMPLEX SAYS: MCA wanted to free Tibet, the other guys just wanted to free the butt.

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#31:

"I got a Bill in my mouth like Hillary Rodham"
-Ali from Nelly's "Grillz"

COMPLEX SAYS:...and a stain on his rap career like Monica Lewinsky.

 


#30:

"Soul's escaping through this hole that is gaping"
-Eminem "Lose Yourself"

COMPLEX SAYS: Maybe he should see the Doc about that.

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#29:

"All through the hood, I'm grippin' wood and blowin' pine"
-Paul Wall from Chingo Bling's "Southside Thang"

COMPLEX SAYS: Move over Jimmy Hart, Paul's the new mouth of the south.

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#28:

"When you awaken, your manhood will be taken."
-Big Pun "You Ain't A Killer"

COMPLEX SAYS: Well, at least he spent the night.

 


#27:

"Finger near a nigga asshole like WHOA!"
-Black Rob "Whoa"

COMPLEX SAYS: He taint kiddin'!

*Officer Nohomo Note: That's MO not woah.
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#26:

"Brothers think I'm dissing, but I'm really on the dicks/Look into my album, kid, you'll see all the flicks"
-Dres on Showbiz & AG's "Bounce To This"

COMPLEX SAYS: Our advice to Dres: never keep hard evidence (pause)

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#25:

"You can call me gay or a tutti-frutti / But I won't touch it until I know whose booty"
-Erick Sermon "Who's Booty"

COMPLEX SAYS: Thanks, Erick! Moving forward, we'll address you as such.

 


#24:

"Hearin you out is senseless, perhaps for instance / I give this faggot a french kiss"
-Jadakiss "Last Dayz"

COMPLEX SAYS: Jada just gives the people what they want.

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#23:

"I handle homos solo"
-Rick Ross "Push Em Over The Ledge"

COMPLEX SAYS: Well, at least he's monogamous.

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#22:

"Where you want it: head or gut? / It's best to keep your mouth shut / I turn your body over, I put it in your fucking butt / Yeah, I'm here and i'm ready to attack, mess around and get a 5 1/2 up in that ass crack / And it's just about the right size, to rupture your nut, to make your ding-a-ling not rise!"
-Malik from Illegal "Head or Gut"

COMPLEX SAYS: We're guessing they'll skip this one at the Illegal reunion concert.

 


#21:

"Yayo, bring the condoms, I'm in room 203"
-50 Cent "Piggy Bank"

COMPLEX SAYS: Banks: *sour face*

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#20:

"We can settle this like some grown men on the concrete floor"
-Prodigy "Right Back At You"

COMPLEX SAYS: What wants another round of Infamous Duck-Duck Goose!?

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#19:

"All black Maybach, sitting in the asshole"
-Lil Wayne from Rick Ross's "Maybach Music 2"

COMPLEX SAYS: Does that come standard?

 


#18:

"Now put them on the arm that pertrudes like a stick / And live up to your name, Mista Lawnge Sugar Dick."
-Q-Tip from "La Menage" by Black Sheep

COMPLEX SAYS: Bragging about your man's pipe game is a little bro-vocative. No homie!

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#17:

"Gotta get some new cock (new cock new cock new cock)"
-N2Deep "Back 2 The Hotel"

COMPLEX SAYS: Regional slang or not, Vallejo's one-hit-wonders somehow found a way to outpause even their own flagrino-ass group name.

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#16:

"I'd do it to you cats for a large amount/And when the beef come, you know where it'll be found."
-Mase "Only You (Remix)"

COMPLEX SAYS: He's like the Ashlee Dupree of the rap game.

 


#15:

"You wet who I want wetted, I'll wet who you want wetted / Any nigga can get it—a favor for a favor."
-Nas "Favor For A Favor" (featuring Scarface)

COMPLEX SAYS: Favor for a favor? Sounds more like you guys are into pro bono work. Ayoooo!

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#14:

"Niggas tried to holla, but couldn't holla back / Now they gots to swallow, everything in the sack."
-DMX "Go To Sleep"

COMPLEX SAYS: If insomnia's the problem, X's method works better than warm milk.

*Officer Nohomo Note: Being walked to death row as we speak.
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#13:

"I'ma bang on bitch boy, set it off, start it / Me, Snoop and Daz bangin' on the blue carpet"
-Kurupt from Tha Dogg Pound's "Cali Iz Activ"

COMPLEX SAYS: We haven't checked out TMZ in a while—did this happen at the premiere for Dogg After Dark?

 


#12:

"I've been patiently waiting to blow!"
-50 Cent "Back Down"

COMPLEX SAYS: We thought you knew: he doesn't give a fuck if it's not your birthday. He's ready when you are!

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#11:

"Just cause niggas get behind you don't mean they got your back / Beware of the serpent..."
-Xzibit "Foundation"

COMPLEX SAYS: Duly noted!

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#10:

"Niggaz press they luck and they get a buttfuckin' / Straight up the ass, raw dog with the rash / And I don't fuck wit the condoms."
-The Notorious B.I.G. "The Wickedest"

COMPLEX SAYS: And this whole time Faith thought he got that rash from Charli Baltimore!

*Officer Nohomo Note: Damn Big, pause.

 


#9:

"Yeah, this a man's world, pricks, no broads allowed / All my niggaz with that raw allowed / All my niggaz with they fours allowed / Who won't hesitate to bang a nigga—right in between they brows"
-Beanie Sigel "Man's World"

COMPLEX SAYS: Get down and lay down!

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#8:

"Brothers keep asking Ice Cube, 'Yo, when will you bust?' / They surround me and make a big fuss"
-Ice Cube "Get Off My Dick And Tell Your Bitch To Come Here"

COMPLEX SAYS: Performance anxiety is a bitch, bro.

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#7:

"Betta believe I buttfuck MC's from the rear"
-Pharoahe Monch from OK's "Bring it On"

COMPLEX SAYS: We believe you, and it's times like these we're glad that we don't rap.

 


#6:

"Now, I never had my dick sucked by a man before / But you gon be the first you little trick ass hoe / Then you can tell me just how it taste / But before I nut, I shoot some piss in your face"
-DJ Quik "Dollaz and Sense"

COMPLEX SAYS: Golden shower on your first date? They don't call him Quik for nothin'.

*Officer Nohomo Note: Death and then set his casket on fire
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#5:

"Male groupies gettin' shaky when I come from the rear."
-Redman "Yesh, Yesh Y'all"

COMPLEX SAYS: Don't front, you know he's got you open.

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#4:

"You ain't heard that we swallow guys?"
-Pharrell from NERD's "Rockstar"

COMPLEX SAYS: Nah man, we heard.

 


#3:

"My theory is fuck it / Sexy niggas get abducted"
-Fredro Starr from Onyx's "Last Dayz"

COMPLEX SAYS: Our theory is that this line could have used a rewrite. And change Sticky Fingaz's name while you're at it.

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#2:

"You might got more cash than me / But you ain't got the skills to eat a nigga's ass like me."
-Canibus "2nd Round Knock Out"

COMPLEX SAYS: So that's why Canibus always looks like he has a bad taste in his mouth.

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#1:

Guru on Gang Starr's "Now You're Mine" (see below for lyrics)

COMPLEX SAYS: Aspiring MCs, consider this the pause blueprint, the Moby Dick of unintentionally gay lyrics. Through the cumulative effect of line after homoerotic line, Guru has crafted the #1 most pause-worthy tour de force in the history of rhymes and beats. Below we've printed the song's full lyrics with annotations of Guru's unplanned double entendres...

"Yo Duke, you're dead wrong; you'll never have the skills like mine
I write the ill type rhymes now I'm reaching my prime
360 dunk in your face*
You can't compete, you're just a basket case
Let's separate the men from the boys*
And put your money where your mouth is*, no time for toys*

Your game is weak you geek so don't sleep
Cause I'll be checkin ya, wreckin ya*, when I start to creep
through the backdoor* - I know I caught you out there*

You got no clout here, and I doubt there
Is anyway that you can stop the beat down
You better play the background*, and sit back down
Chumps like you, I gotta keep 'em in line
So prepare to suffer boy*, cause now you're mine*

I'll fake you left and go right, straight down the lane*
Here's one in your eye*; you'll feel pain*
You strain* - to put together some strategy
But you're raggedy, and i'll be glad to see
The frown on your grill when I drill and thrill**
Set up my offense, commence to kill
I'll be leadin from beginnin to end
And after I pound ya, you're gonna wanna make friends*
And make amends for the silly, trash you were talking
Take a walk and your shots I'm swattin*
with ease, and the ladies are swoonin
Clockin my swiftness, while you're droolin*
You oughtta practice up and get your game refined
I've been waitin to dog you*, and now you're mine*

Hurry up sucker, go ahead and pick your squad
Try to play hard*... but I'ma rob
You of your crazy notions to defeat me
You're weak see, I'm rough hardcore*
And even be down to give you a rematch*
After I wax and tax that butt**

When I slam the alley-oop, you can rally troops
But I'll play the awesome defense
I'll pick your pocket*, and send you to the bench
With tears in your eyes as you realize the prize is for me*
Yes all the money
Son, my form is too nice*, my handle's precise*
I'll take you right or go left
Because my game's so def, and now you're mine*"

-Guru from Gang Starr's "Now You're Mine"


Officer Nohomo Note: We have a 1040 all officers.

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