Twitter Alert! Imagining Diddy's Online Juice Fast

Twitter Alert! Imagining Diddy's Online Juice Fast

diddy
Twitter can be great, it's true. Whether you're a Senator talking policy during a State of the Union speech or a candy company just trying to regain some buzz, it's a networking tool par excellence.

Sometimes, though, the banality can get a bit much. Like, say, when you decide to tell your fans that you're joining Jay Electronica in a "spiritual fast" that requires you to drink only "natural juices" for 48 hours. We'll give Puff props for putting himself out there, but we realize that not all of you are following him on Twitter, so we decided to break down the colossally significant event for you*, our loyal readers...


iamdiddy ok diddy's twiddies the fast is officially on lets go!!!

iamdiddy no food no licka

killa1 no cookies and apple juice?

iamdiddy no cheeseburga no pipsi no cheeps!!!

iamdiddy just natural juices!!!

iamdiddy mmmm natural juices!!!

jimmyfallon @iamdiddy does that include flop sweat? giggle!

iamdiddy @jimmyfallon hell yeah jimmy fallon lets go!!! i'd drink that flop sweat all day except it tastes like failure! and ciroc obama does not do failure! except when i rap! and THIS IS BIGGER THAN RAP!!!

iamdiddy Think I'm lying? CHECK THE EXCLAMATION POINTS BITCHES!!!

benstiller @iamdiddy you can do it dunn shout me a holla! *gets back in Saab from Reality Bites and bumps Public Enemy*

imdiddy @benstiller yeah man im on my white people shit!!! lets go!!!

iamdiddy @joaquinphoenix im sayin though dog!!! when this is over we'll be like identical twins! ciroc obama and joaquin biden! we'll be svelte and bearded and possibly borderl

iamdiddy @joaquinphoenix ine schizophrenic sorry went over 140

joaquinphoenix

joaquinphoenix wha

joaquinphoenix t

joaquinphoenix how work thist hing

jimjonescapo wtf is a natural juices no homo

jimjonescapo @iamdiddy you aint no ciroc obama you colon powell 32 homo!

killa1 @jimjonescapo that's grand theft slango doggie. hold on, new verse! "my lingo lango longo/metal lungies bingo bongo/i save my hot sauce for the tiny waists and big gazongos"

iamdiddy @killa1 i need that uptown swag in my life dog! here's a check lemme have that!!!

ghostofsheeklouch @killa1Don't doooo iiiiiit Cam *haunts Amalgam Digital office*

iamdiddy I'm feeling a little weak here Twiddies! all good though bc imma look like cassie when this is over!!

cassieventura @iamdiddy oh hell no *faints*

iamdiddy @cassieventura whoops shit kim coming hold on *leaves* *smashes Sienna Miller*

imahotrapper @iamdiddy YEAH DOG U CAN DO IT PEEP THE HOTTEST KINGPIN IN THE TRAP MYSPACE.COM/DEZERTEAGLE

iamdiddy this one for you big lets go!!!!

iamdiddy i wish you was still here you'd be smallie smalls at the end of this lmao!!!

iamdiddy ZOMG that was hilarious someone get MTV on the phone i got a new show to be simultaneously self-aggrandizing and falsely humble on

markcurry @iamdiddy i'll help you slim down sheisty motherfucker

markcurry @iamdiddy try spending nine years on the shelf you'll get slim too

iamdiddy @markcurry that reminds me--gimme your work number so i can tell UPS to garnish your checks

iamdiddy @markcurry i still get 71% of everything you make lets go!!!

iamdiddy @markcurry oh and i'll have your kids back next week

markcurry fuck you you tofu ass ni**a

imahotrapper @markcurry YEAH DOG U CAN DO IT PEEP THE HOTTEST KINGPIN IN THE TRAP MYSPACE.COM/DEZERTEAGLE

markcurry @imahotrapper man stfu *gets back in UPS truck, drives off*

iamdiddy damn people these natural juices are running through me

iamdiddy lets go!!! to the bathroom!!!

iamdiddy and somebody call my dentist too all this juice is turning my already tiny little chiclet teeth into blueberry nubbins

iamdiddy at this rate i'll barely be able to gnaw through the souls of the innocent lets go!!!

elliottwilson @iamdiddy when you're done come by the rapradar mansion and help me figure out what these computers are for. ha!

qoolquest @iamdiddy don't worry man i am totally going to tweet about this at least 3,00 times. I'm telling you, not only will it be in complete sentences, it will be charmingly self-deprecating and constitute about 7% of my daily Twitter output. *puts finishing touches on dissertation*

qoolquest Don't worry everyone, they gave up on that character limit for me long ago. I'm the Leo Tolstoy of this game! *completes third novel*

iamdiddy i'm back yall!! i just left a bad boy behind, so don't go in there for 35, 45 minutes!!! i love getting fit!!!

killa1 I used to get fit in Ohio!

jayelectronica @iamdiddy u can do it man lemme give you some words of encouragement: "fiber-optic sundown bleep-blop characteristics/chiarascuro through the borough, one-two, math linguistics"

jayelectronica yeaaaahhhh awesome right? this fasting gives me the clarity to compose that mariana trench headnod 2.0 ish

baduizm @jayelectronica deep baby i luv u

imahotrapper @baduizm YEAH DOG U CAN DO IT PEEP THE HOTTEST KINGPIN IN THE TRAP MYSPACE.COM/DEZERTEAGLE

baduizm @imahotrapper wait what?

imahotrapper @baduizm I DONT EVEN KNOW IM JUST TRYNA GET ON DOG I JUST WOKE UP IN HERE ITS THE HOTTEST FLAVOR IN THE TRAP WHERE AM I AM I WEARING PANTS?

iamdiddy I know I'm not! Fuck a fast let's go!!! LAST TRAIN TO PARIS COMING AS SOON AS I CAN STOP SHI**ING Y'ALL!!!!

*NOTE: This twitter conversation is a parody that was created by the Complex staff. Read Diddy's twitter for the real deal.

Tags: uestlove, camron, diddy, jay-electronica, jim-jones, twitter
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