Just kidding. Instead, KFC—who was recently forced to close hundreds of UK stores after a chicken supplier issue—has released an admittedly great apology.
"A chicken restaurant without any chicken," the company said in a statement, as reported by BBC News reported Friday. "It's not ideal. Huge apologies to our customers, especially those who traveled out of their way to find we were closed. And endless thanks to our KFC team members and our franchise partners for working tirelessly to improve the situation. It's been a hell of a week, but we're making progress, and every day more and more fresh chicken is being delivered to our restaurants. Thank you for bearing with us."
The apology was published as a full-page ad in Metro and Sun featuring a fuck-ified KFC logo emblazoned on a bucket.
In their original statement on what amounted to a small catastrophe for some, KFC blamed the shortage on a "new delivery partner" with "teething" problems. "Getting fresh chicken out to 900 restaurants across the country is pretty complex," they explained with accuracy.
South Park, of course, kinda sorta predicted this nonsense way back in 2010. In an episode titled "Medicinal Fried Chicken," a medical weed shop replaces the local KFC, forcing Cartman to essentially become a black market KFC tycoon.