Here's the story of a disgusting Tinder date that went about as poorly as one could imagine. In fact, tales like this go a long way towards making sitcom plots plausible. And while it's not exactly "news," like rising tensions with North Korea, fuck it: read about it anyway. You'll be entertained, grossed out, or both.
According to The Bristol Post, firefighters were called in last month to save a British woman who got caught hanging upside down in a window after she became trapped because she was trying to retrieve a sack of her own poop. The window was part of the home of Bristol University student Liam Smyth, who had invited the unnamed (for good reason) woman to his house for a Tinder date that sounds like it was going well (at least up until she got stuck in the window).
As Liam tells it, the two of them were watching a Netflix documentary when the woman went up to go to the bathroom. She returned shortly afterward with a panicked look in her eye. "I went for a poo in your toilet,' she told me, ‘and it would not flush," Liam wrote. "I don't know why I did this, but I panicked,' she continued, ‘I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window.'"
He then reports that the two devised a plan to retrieve it, but it turns out the dump that she snatched out of the toilet with her own freakin' hands was not in the garden below, where they thought they'd find it, but was instead caught between a foot-and-a-half gap between two windows.
As luck would temporarily have it, his date was an amateur gymnast, and figured that a way to get the bag without busting the window would be to slide in between them herself and grab it. She was successful in fetching her shit, but instead replaced it as the stuck object between the panes of glass. After about 15 minutes of being wedged upside down, Liam called the fire department. This call was later confirmed by that department, who said they were summoned to Liam's address at 10:41 p.m. on Aug. 7 to rescue "one female trapped between interior and exterior glass."
She was rescued, unharmed, but the same could not be said for the poor window, which was destroyed by the firemen's tools. Replacing the window would cost roughly £200 (around $261), which prompted Liam to setup a GoFundMe to raise two-thirds of the price for a new one. Because people are inherently good, and can be swayed by a real tearjerker of a story, the fundraiser racked up more than 12 times the amount that he was aiming for. All the money past the £200 mark was given to a pair of charities, one for toilets and the other for firefighters (naturally).
As for Liam, he says he has met up with the woman again despite their initial awkward encounter. "We did go and meet for a drink to discuss setting up the crowdfunder," he said. "She’s a lovely girl – I’m not sure what’s going to happen – I’m really busy with my dissertation at the moment but I’d certainly be open to seeing her again."
Yeah, very heartwarming. Practically a Disney musical come to life.
