The age-old saying "men and women can't be friends" has never really applied to gay men and straight women. That friendship dynamic has shown up so often in pop culture that it's practically become a stereotype.
Still, the question remains: Why does this dynamic work so well compared to other types of friendship?
Eric Russell, a Ph.D. student in experimental psychology at the University of Arlington and author of GayStraight.com, has been trying to answer that question through his research.
In an article published on academic news outlet The Conversation Thursday, Russell explained that the biggest factors behind the success of a straight-female/gay-male friendship have to do with evolutionary psychology and human mating. His paper originally appeared in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior last November.
Women get along with gay men (and vice-versa) primarily because they aren't sexual competitors. This success works in two ways because women and gay men don't mate and they don't compete for mates. As a result, they don't deal with the stressors other friendship dynamics might have.
While it's not always the case, a friendship between two straight women contains the possibility of competing for a mate, whereas a friendship between a straight woman and a straight man contains the possibility of a romantic connection.
Russell said, "With heterosexual men (who, by definition, are sexually attracted to women), the process is longer—and potentially more fraught—because men may be grappling with their own sexual impulses."
These problems don't exist between straight women and gay men, so the friendship dynamic exhibits greater amounts of implicit trust.
Three years ago, Russell began a series of experiments that examined how trustworthy straight women deemed certain people when it came to dating advice. Participants were asked to examine fake Facebook profiles of a straight woman, a gay man, and a lesbian woman.
Out of all the possibilities, straight women believed gay men were more trustworthy—at least when it came to dating and romance.
Friendship of carrie bradshaw & stanford blatch in sex & the city reminds me of yours - @bernardokath @Johnvalle20 💛💜 pic.twitter.com/UBDICrvWUN
Russell replicated his initial study and expanded it to see if women deemed gay men more trustworthy for other advice. As it turns out, when it comes to questions about family, career, and more—they didn't.
Curious about optimal conditions for a friendship between straight women and gay men, Russell conducted two additional experiments. Participants read a fake news story about college dating that made it seem like there weren't many available men. In that instance, women were more willing to accept gay men's dating advice.
On the subject of building better friendships, Russell told NTRSCTN that women should avoid fetishizing their gay BFFs:
"It is important that women don’t just value gay men for their ability to provide good dating advice. Straight women should build upon their valuation on gay men’s advice and see what other things they can bring to the table in their friendship. For example, the trust that women place in gay men’s dating advice can extend to putting their trust in them more generally, such as being able talk about more intimate topics such as family or important life events," he said.
"Women should also keep in mind that their friendship with gay men is a two-way street, and they should explore what aspects of their friendship that gay men value in particular—whether that is valuing women for their increased acceptance of homosexuality or their ability to just have fun with their gay male friends."
In the future, Russell hopes to research how gay men feel about their friendships with straight women. He believes that the results would mirror his original findings: When nobody is competing for a date, it's a lot easier to get along.
