Are you wasted right now? That's fine if you are. This is a judgment-free zone. In fact, a state of (at least) mild wastedness might help you more thoroughly appreciate the poetry of everything you're presumably about to read in the following sentences. An astute Reddit member by the (digital) name of mahargrettuh decided to ask everyone else on this horrific planet to reveal the "most ridiculous thing" they've ever witnessed at a party, prompting an overwhelming novel's worth of ridiculousness that proves we all definitely know how to get weird when the turn-up calls for it.

The obvious frontrunner here, though the competition for god-level ridiculousness  in this thread is quite stiff indeed, is the brief but revelatory tale that can only fairly be described as The Great Vigilante Cum Slap. As exquisitely detailed by Reddit user alt99838, The Great Vigilante Cum Slap is pretty much exactly what you think and can be perused in full below:

"This chick found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. She went into some room and jerked off some random dude, then slapped her boyfriend in the face with his cum all over her hand.

I thought he was going to kill her.

Edit: I just brought this up to a buddy of mine who was friends with the kid who got slapped because it's been years since it happened and this is blowing up. He reminded me that the boyfriend wasn't even cheating on her. She was just some psycho nut job who had issues with her boyfriend having other female friends. I guess the alcohol took her jealousy to a new plateau. Fucking party was crazy. Someone ripped a phone line through the wall and someone else stole the front door."

That poetry really speaks, doesn't it?

If cum slaps aren't exactly your cup of ridiculous tea, this harrowing (but oddly comforting?) thread also includes plenty of other examples of why we should all feel super positive about the future of humankind as we know it. Want baseball-sized testicles? You got it. What about someone trying to shove a large telescope into their vagina? No problem.

Step aside, imminent extinction. We're all obviously going to be just fine here on Earth.

Peep the full (and very ridiculous) Reddit thread here.