How to win over your date, according to a hypnotist

Colin Christopher is a hypnotist by trade, but beyond mind control, he also knows how you can manipulate your love life.

That's what his new book, Manipulate The Date, is all about: using hypnosis principles to exercise every bit of control you have over your romantic future.

Christopher spoke with NTRSCTN about big mistakes singles make, and how to increase the chances that dates will spawn lasting relationships. 

If you're looking to pair up by Valentine's Day, or strengthen the partnership you already have, read on for his best advice: 

Christopher has heard many memorable stories about dates gone wrong, and he's noticed common patterns that hinder the search for love:

1. Don't do anything unfit for polite company

One essential skill, Christopher said, is "knowing what's appropriate to talk about on a first date"—or, in some cases, what's not appropriate. 

"One client went on a walking date, and he peed on a tree in front of her," he said. 

This should go without saying, but when it comes to bodily functions on first dates, can we just not?

2. Don't date when you're not over an ex

Christopher has worked with many people who have trouble forming new relationships because they're not over their last ones.

People preoccupied with exes can scare away new dates, especially if that ex is the only topic of conversation. Unresolved breakups can damage self-esteem, making it harder to be our best selves, he added.

3. Don't linger on small talk

"People are really nervous on their dates, so they don't have a way to portray how unique they are or what it is that would make somebody want to date them," Christopher explained. "A lot of dates will start with 'what do you do for work?' or 'what do you like to do for fun?'"

Getting into a relationship requires an emotional connection, he added, so "unless somebody can stand out, it's difficult for them to really separate themselves from the rest of the people someone's dating."

So what should we be doing on dates?

Now that we've established what not to do, here's what you should be doing:

1. Practice talking to strangers

Some of us have trouble meeting people because of an aversion to strangers—but "everybody's a stranger until you start talking to them," Christopher pointed out. 

If you're scared of rejection, he recommends practicing stranger-talk in non-romantic settings, like mall food courts, where the risk is low. 

2. Go places where people who interest you hang out

If you're an outdoors fanatic who wants to find someone with similar interests, you're more likely to meet that person on a hike than at a bar. Similarly, if you want to meet someone artsy, your chances may be higher if you scope museums for dates.

The first step, though, is to know what qualities you value in a partner. "When you establish what you look for, you can determine where those people are going to be," Christopher said.

3. Schedule two-part dates

Christopher wouldn't recommend first dates focused on specific activities, since that can prevent people from getting to know each other—but he wouldn't suggest sitting in a coffee shop the whole time, either.

"Sharing an experience with emotions involved allows people to emotionally connect," he said. "If you're just sitting on a coffee date, there's no obvious way of emotional connection."

He suggested two-part dates: Get coffee or dinner first, then go out to an amusement park, or on a walk. He recommends continuing these kinds of dates even while you're in a relationship. 

4. Tell exciting stories and discuss current events

To go above and beyond small talk, discuss something interesting from your past that showcases how you're unique. Christopher, for example, has found it helpful to tell stories about when he worked on a cruise ship. 

Current events provide another conversational topic that can facilitate emotional connections, he said. 

Christopher suggested that before you go on dates, "go on your Twitter feed and your Facebook feed quickly and look at the trending topics." Even if the discussion is polarizing, you'll discover whether you and your date can respectfully disagree.