As joyous as the holiday season can be for gathering with loved ones, it can also be a wretched experiences some significant others forced into complex family dynamics. At least, that's the case for Reddit user familysuxthrow, who had an awful experience with his girlfriend and family over a holiday dinner.
Familysuxthrow and his boo, Sammy, have been together for over a year. He's madly in love with everything about her, and rightfully so. "She's absolutely wonderful; smart, attractive, driven, educated, kind and goofy. She's everything I've ever wanted," he wrote. He assumed his family felt the exact same way about Sammy until a few weeks ago, at a family dinner during which Sammy thought she couldn't make due to work obligations. Surprisingly, half way through, she surprised him. He received a text message learning that she was outside with gifts she brought for the family.
The entire time, the family was unaware that she had arrived. As he stepped out to assist her with carrying in the gifts, Familysuxthrow and Sammy accidentally heard his family talking from the kitchen:
"My sister was saying that she was glad my girlfriend was gone because she couldn't stand a family night being ruined by my girlfriend being annoying. My brother and other sister agreed about how annoying and awful my girlfriend is. My dad made a comment about how they should be nice to Sammy. And my mom chimed in with, 'Sammy is nice and all but I can't believe familysuxthrow likes how fat she is, he can do so much better.' My family, even my dad, agreed. And my sister piped up that I was dating down because I'm still rebounding from my last girlfriend (which was five years ago...)."
After Sammy overheard the entire conversation, she burst into tears and then left the house as immediately as possible.
The thing that makes this even worse is I was planning on proposing to her in the next few months. I had planned on asking my sisters to come with me to pick out her ring.
Now, Sammy hasn't said much about it and hasn't talked to me much about this incident. She has always wanted a family and she doesn't understand why my family doesn't like her or what she's done wrong. She said she'd talk to me more when she gets back from her trip. I don't want to lose her over this. I would take her over my family. Sammy hasn't been her usual cheerful self this week and I've caught her crying more than once since this incident. I try to comfort her but she tries to play it that she's fine.
He presents the question: How should he deal with the situation? Should he take Sammy's side and abandon his family? With plans of proposing to her in the upcoming months, and having seen how much this event has impacted her, Familysuxthrow is torn about how to deal with the situation.
So, what do you do when your family beefs with your significant other at holiday dinner?
Have their back.
Set your limits.
Remember: You love them, and that's all that matters
It's important to remember that all that matters is that we love our bae, even if our family doesn't. Oywiththepoodle points out that she's gone through very similar experiences, as many of us have.
I have heard my husband's family say mean things about me more than once.
It hurts, of course. His sister told he he could do better and his mother insults me frequently and passive-aggressively. His brother won't speak to me at all.
Before we were married, I cried over it sometimes and didn't understand what they hated about me. Now, since my husband picked me and chose to love me even if they weren't supportive at first, I feel much more confident and frankly I have power now that I didn't as a girlfriend.
These days, he spends casual time with his family on occasion and I don't go. I attend family events but I feel no obligation to endure rude behavior.
But her advice to familysuxthrow is to move forward anyway.
Propose to your girl. Tell her you pick her and she can have as much or as little contact with your family as she wants.
When they want grand babies they'll be begging for forgiveness.
You love her, that's all that matters.
Spending time with the in-laws, or meeting parents, is never an easy task. But nothing makes it more bearable than knowing you and your significant other are handling it as a team. Have each others back, stand up for one another when necessary, and remember that you two have each other at the end of the day.
