How to date a coworker—without ruining your life and reputation

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Your office is not Ashley Madison IRL. The fact that your coworker may not know about your personal life isn’t an excuse to use their ignorance against them. This piece of advice may seem obvious, but the term “office affair” exists for a reason. Cheating is shitty to begin with, but it’s a next-level dick move to start things up with someone who doesn’t know you’re taken. You’re pretty much undermining their standards.

Dating at work isn’t a buffet—you order à la carte. Put bluntly, don’t sleep with the whole office at once. It’s not about being judged as promiscuous or easy; it’s about respecting the people you work with and their feelings. Considering all that you stand to risk if things go south, it'd be shamefully cavalier to treat your office like an escort service. You probably don’t truly love that many people, and unless you work at a modeling agency, you’re probably not genuinely attracted to that many either.

Having to work with someone day in, day out, through thick and thin, will likely bond them together—it’s only natural. Unless someone is absolutely intolerable, proximity plus an iota of physical attraction can lead to desire. If left alone in a room with a sexy rock for long enough, you’d probably develop feelings for it, so make sure your lust is rooted in reality—not just the close confines of the conference room.

Treat your relationship like a pregnancy: Until you’re at least three months in, it’s safer not to tell anyone. Unless your company has a policy against it, many organizations would support two people finding love while doing what they love. But until you know it’s the real deal and not just something casual, it’s inappropriate and inconsiderate to cc everyone in the office on your relationship drama.  

Communication is the cornerstone of every successful relationship, but this is especially true when you’re dating someone at work. Even if the two of you haven’t gone Facebook official, both of you are responsible for communicating your intentions honestly and candidly. You can’t suddenly stop texting someone back when you have to see them every day (well you can, but then you’d be a very special type of asshole). If you’re not interested in anything serious, keep it away from the office—or at the very least, let the object of your lustful affections know. 

No, not from your job, but from your relationship. You could have had the best intentions in the world, but sometimes, things just don’t work out. But losing at love shouldn’t mean losing your job. If you want to break up, do so gracefully and with mutual respect, especially since you’ll still be interacting with each other every day. No matter which side of the breakup you may be on, your duty is to your job first and feelings second. You were a badass professional before this relationship, and you’ll certainly be one after it.