Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
Girls lie about the amount of people that they've slept with to cover up the perceived sluttiness that comes with a promiscuous past. We're worried that by being totally honest, dudes will judge us based solely on our number sexual experiences and write us off as whores. But fellas, before you even consider breaching this subject, remember that there are some rules and exceptions that may come into play.
WHEN DO YOU ASK HOW MANY PEOPLE SHE'S SLEPT WITH?
You don't do that shit at the bar the first night you meet. That's inappropriate. I'd be offended by any guy that cared so soon. It's cool to ask questions like that after a few dates, once she knows that you're legitimately interested. Then it becomes a big test, like when Calogero sees if homegirl will unlock the door for him in A Bronx Tale.
It's a double standard, but men can get away with having way more sexual partners than we can. Guys can give vague answers like, “I've been with 10 to 15 girls.” When we do the same, we're immediately considered sluts, so it's not hard to see why girls bend the truth. If we front when it comes to our hair, nails, tans, and titties, then why do you think we wouldn't front about the number of dudes we've gotten it in with?
DO YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO ASK?
Unless the girl you're seeing was a porn star before you met, it's none of your business how many people she's been with. What you don't know (and what hasn't been sexually transmitted) can't hurt you. Plus, not all chicks are lying by decreasing the number of notches on their belt. I've seen some overcompensate as well, especially when the guy they're after is older.
WHY WON'T GUYS GET THE TRUTH ANYWAY?
There are sexual encounters that women hope to keep locked away forever. This is usually out of humiliation—that experimental “while I was in college” type of craze. That means you aren't going to hear about the ugly guy she slept with during desperate times, the amateur swing party she reluctantly attended out of curiosity, or the blacked out nights of half-rise hookups. It's not easy coming to terms with that baggage.
It'd be nice if guys could accept women no matter what we've been through, but instead, we conceal our sexual stats because dudes use them against us in the long run. You lie about emotional shit and we lie about sex. Doesn't that make us equal in the end?