Last week we introduced our new Porn Star Ethicist, the lovely and inimitable Lupe Fuentes (NSFW) (@lupefuentesxxx NSFW), and she didn't disappoint, giving readers her unvarnished opinion on sleeping with your ex's sister, unconventional threesomes, and funny faces. This week she's back with tips on dealing with hating neighbors, chicks that fart, and teaching morality to your asshole friends.
Hey Lupe, My neighbors are giving me a hard time about the "noise" me and my girlfriend make at night (her nickname's "Mona"). Isn't the right to sex in the Constitution or something? What can I tell them to get off my back (so I can get Mona back on hers)?. ---"Don't Care Who Knows It," Norman, OklahomaLUPE SAYS: "Dear DCWKI, 'Fuck off.' Tell them to 'Fuck off.'" Have fun, have sex, scream! There's nothing better than that. I'm not really an introverted person, and this happens with me so many times; the people that live in the next apartment come to my door sometimes, and I say, 'No.' I keep fucking, you know? I think you enjoying your sexuality is more important than their sleep. Maybe they're jealous."
Dear Lupe, I've been dating this new chick for a few weeks now—incredible body, incredible in bed, incredible everything. But here's the catch: she farts in her sleep. A lot. It's not that big a deal, but I might wife this girl if she could get this straightened out. But I'm also worried that if I say something shit might not be right between us afterward. ---"Got Febreeze on My Nightstand," Salem, Oregon
LUPE SAYS: "Dear GFOMN, Disgusting! Disgusting and funny! Why she do that? God, you have to talk to her. You have to find some pills, something. Don't be embarrassed, when you have a relationship you have to be confident. You love her. Tell her."
Dear Lupe, I've got this homie who likes to take money from bums on the street. He always picks the really messed up looking ones, and jacks their shit. Most of my other friends think it's funny, but I got one buddy who's in the Marines, and me and him are talking about dressing up like blind beggars and beating the shit out of dude just to teach him a lesson. Should we do that or just tell him to stop?. ---"Sick of My Asshole Friend," The Bronx, New York
LUPE SAYS: "Dear SOMAF, Let's do it. It's going to be so much fun. And film it. Have some fun in your life and show your friend that it's not nice. Film it and send to Complex Magazine."
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Send your own questions to asklupe@complex.com, and be sure to check back next week when Lupe answers more of your sticky dilemmas!
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