After a few preseason episodes, Jerry Seinfeld's new show "The Marriage Ref" officially premieres tonight at 10 PM on NBC. While there's been constant chatter if this could jump-start the ratings for NBC's late-night TV again, we honestly couldn't give a shit about a Nielsen rating—we just hope Jerry justifies his reputation for having hot chicks come through his show.
See, during his Seinfeld tenure, the comic had a roster of hot chicks he dated (and dumped or got dumped by) on the show, with everyone from Lori Loughlin to Teri Hatcher making cameos. And while you may only remember Kramer's crazy antics, or George's constant fuck-ups, we're jogging your memory with the history of hot women who the character of Jerry Seinfeld scored...
#14: Jane Leeves
EPISODE: "The Contest" (Season 4)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Once she learns of the "Master of My Domain" no-masturbating contest between Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and George, Marla a.k.a. "The Virgin" finds solace in the bed of John F. Kennedy Jr.
COMPLEX SAYS: Jerry's gotta find some freakier virgins. Ever hear of bukkake?
#13: Jennifer Campbell
EPISODE: "The Pick" (Season 4)
ROLE: Tia Van Camp
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: She breaks up with him after she catches him picking his nose.
COMPLEX SAYS: Jerry's gotta find some freakier chicks. Ever hear of boogerkkake?
#12: Paula Marshall
EPISODE: "The Outing" (Season 4)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: A college reporter doing a story on him, she actually breaks up with him when she mistakenly believes he's gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
COMPLEX SAYS: We totes had no idea that Marshall got naked in Californication. Although some claim it's a combination of body doubles and CGI. In which case, we totes had no idea they use CGI on TV shows like Californication.
#11: Lauren Graham
EPISODE: "The Millenium" (Season 8)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Doesn't so much break up with her as kill (possibly) her step-mother who, inadvertently poisoned by Kramer, calls Jerry instead of Poison Control because she's upset that her daughter's put Jerry's number ahead of hers in her (the daughter's) speed dial rankings.
COMPLEX SAYS: We always give our jump-offs made up names in our phone address books. Their moms, too. And their step-moms.
#10: Christine Taylor
EPISODE: "The Van Buren Boys" (Season 8)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Jerry suspects she doesn't have many friends and is a loser.
COMPLEX SAYS: We can't rock with Jerry on this one, Taylor has stayed consistent since her days of playing Marcia Brady, we can't say the same for Jan.
#9: Marcia Cross
EPISODE: "The Slicer" (Season 9)
ROLE: Sara (Dr. Siderrides)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: While she thought "she saved lives" as a dermatologist, Jerry thought she was giving herself too much credit. He goes on to downplay her job, and then accuses her of giving him hives.
COMPLEX SAYS: Breaking up with someone because they gave you hives is the new breaking up with someone because they gave you an STD.
#8: Lori Loughlin
EPISODE: "The Serenity Now" (Season 9)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: The couple actually broke up because she thought Jerry couldn't show emotion.
COMPLEX SAYS: C'mon Patty, not everyone can be a hair-obsessed pussy like Uncle Jesse.
#7: Debra Messing
EPISODE: "The Yada Yada" (Season 8)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: She was a racist and anti-Semitic.
COMPLEX SAYS: Dating a racist is not a good look, unless she's gives amazing yada...yada...yada...
#6: Amanda Peet
EPISODE: "The Summer of George" (Season 8)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: She lived with a dude, and was constantly on the go, something Jerry couldn't keep up with.
COMPLEX SAYS: Having your chick live with a dude is an immediate fuckouttahere. What the fuck was you thinking?
#5: Kristin Davis
EPISODE: "The Pothole" (Season 8)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Jerry accidentally knocks her toothbrush in the toilet and then won't kiss her.
COMPLEX SAYS: Davis' character one of the few girlfriends of Jerry who appear in more than one episode. Her previous appearance? "The Butter Shave" (Season 9) where she dates Kenny Bania. Kissing a toilet >>>kissing someone Bania has kissed.
#4: Melinda Clarke
EPISODE: "The Muffin Tops" (Season 8)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Never really does, she just kind of disappears.
COMPLEX SAYS: She faded into obscurity until she came back on The O.C. as the sexy MILF Julie Cooper who liked to smash her daughter's boyfriends.
#3: Courtney Cox
EPISODE: "The Wife" (Season 5)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Jerry can't handle being in a pretend marriage with her.
COMPLEX SAYS: Being in a pretend marriage with a chick you don't even like that much? We'd rather die.
#2: Julia Louis Dreyfus
EPISODE: "The Stakeout" (First appearance)
ROLE: Elaine Benes
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Never really explained but the two remain friends throughout.
COMPLEX SAYS: Jerry really fucked up on this one, how do you have a girl who's DTF come to your apartment every day and never follow through? Elaine would've made for the perfect repeat offender.
#1: Teri Hatcher
EPISODE: "The Implant" (Season 4) & "The Finale" (Season 9)
WHY JERRY BREAKS UP WITH HER: Jerry suspects she had implants.
COMPLEX SAYS: Dumping a chick because she has fake twos? C'mon, son.