
Take away Bill Clinton's porn and he gets very, very sexually unsatisfied.
When it comes to genitals, the United Kingdom is not as united as you'd think. According to various sexual studies, 35% of women in the UK "never" have sex. Normally we'd blame this on pasty skin and too much fish, chips, and pints of bitter, but researcher types are saying that porn is responsible for a decrease in male desire—at least the desire to knock off the same old chick when they could fulfill their sexual desires with all kinds of readily available filth online. (Step your game up, ladies!)
Think that's a crazy correlation? Keep reading to check out some others wild theories that have linked porn to everything from marital bliss to stemming crime...
THEORY: PORN IS WORSE THAN CRACK
COMPLEX SAYS: In 2004, a group of professors from various American universities gave a speech to a Senate Commerce subcommittee on the ills of viewing pornography online. They claimed the effects of porn are worse than drugs because the images remain in your mind forever, and users can get drugs out of their system. Talk about crackpot theories, comparing getting rocks off to crack rocks? F to the O to the H, my dudes.
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THEORY: VIEWING PORN LOWERS YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY
COMPLEX SAYS: A British study from 2003 found that men between the ages of 20 to 40 year had higher mortality rates from viewing pornographic sites. We're sure they verified this by sorting through the secret stashes of porn these guys took with them in their coffins.
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THEORY: INTERNET PORN REDUCES SEX CRIMES
COMPLEX SAYS: American Economics professor Steven Landsburg wrote a column for Slate in 2006 where he argued that internet porn reduces rape and other sex crimes. He even threw shots at studies that are based in laboratories claiming subjects are way more comfortable watching porn in the comfort of their own humble abodes than in a lab full of dudes. Depending on which way you swing, you can't really argue with that. Good work, Teach!
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THEORY: PORN IS FREE SPEECH
COMPLEX SAYS: In 2007, Law and Political Science professor Andrew Koppelman of Northwestern University wrote a piece exploring if pornography is protected under the first amendment. There's been debate since art, film and literature is protected, and porn under certain circumstances can be any of those three things. Beats anything we learned in school. Way to take a stand, my man.
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THEORY: PORN OBJECTIFIES AND DEHUMANIZES WOMEN
COMPLEX SAYS: The classic argument of women being objectified and dehumanized in pornography was addressed in a speech called "Pornography Happens To Women" by feminist Andrea Dworkin back in 1993. Pfft. That's not what Sasha Grey has to say. You know, when her mouth isn't full of co-stars.
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THEORY: PORN HELPS MARRIAGES
COMPLEX SAYS: In 2004, Aussie Alan McKee found that porn is largely beneficial because it may be helping married couples connect sexually and stimulate the thunder from down under again. The Australian government had beef with him, claiming that McKee had only polled online porn viewers largely in favor in porn. Um, what the fuck else is the Internet for?
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THEORY: "ART" IMITATES LIFE
COMPLEX SAYS: A 2000 study found that prostitutes are increasingly being asked to perform sexual acts seen in porn flicks. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and pimp philosophers like Snoop Dogg remind us that a ho's only concerns should be working hard, and bringing it back to daddy.

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