Baby got back...like a backboard!
Whether you're talking breakfast treats or booties, there's nothing quite like drizzling your syrup on a pancake. You may have missed IHOP's National Pancake Day yesterday, but no worries, you can always get your hands on a flat ass. Think cushion for the pushin' is superior? It's awesome, no doubt, but don't sleep on baby that don't got back (just check out all these super hot booty-less beauties). In honor of pancakes everywhere, Complex makes the case for the flat ass.
MODEL CITIZENS
Showing friends your new jumpoff's Vogue pictorial is slightly more impressive than showing them her Straight Stuntin spread.
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M-ASS-OCHISM
Really, what fun is sex if you don't feel the pain of repeatedly banging your pubis into her razor-sharp backbone? It's called "boning" for a reason, my dudes!
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SOLIDARITY, PT. 1
Show your white friends that you feel their pain. Literally.
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SOLIDARITY, PT. 2
Your Asian friends too.
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PLAYING THE WALL
She's less brick house than brick wall—and that's an excellent substitute when you really wanna bang a partition but can't find a gloryhole.
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SURFACE VALUE
Whether you need somewhere to lay out a cheese plate or just want to work on your laptop while balls deep in someone, you'll never want for a flat surface.
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MALE ENHANCEMENT
Finally, you can hit it doggystyle without her ass eclipsing your baby dick!
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BACKROOM DEALS
Hookers with no ass charge a flat fee. At least that's what we've been able to negotiate.
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THE MIRROR'S EDGE
You can honestly say that, no, that outfit does not make her look like she has a fat ass.
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DROPPING DEUCES
Some feel cheated by women whose only assets are big twos, but we say they're simply the breast.
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WORKING GIRL
At least you know she's not gonna be sitting on her ass all day. The junk in her trunk just ain't that comfortable.
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SERIOUS AS CANCER
In this day and age, with cancer affecting so many of us, the last thing we wanna find in our bed is lovely lady lumps. Sorry, Ferg.
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Really? February 24th, 2010 at 05:19 PM
Take this bullshit down...WTF?
t ussery February 24th, 2010 at 05:52 PM
lol love complex no matter what the entry staff say?
the last king of scotland February 24th, 2010 at 06:19 PM
no comment. well maybe one. y'all stupid. nuff said.
JMN February 24th, 2010 at 07:18 PM
Valid points all. The non-booty's where it's at.
Jerronimo February 24th, 2010 at 09:12 PM
lol..comedy! Sir-Mix-A-Lot would disagree.
e February 25th, 2010 at 12:56 PM
What the FUCK was that!
kwame February 26th, 2010 at 01:50 AM
you guys do realize this is a joke right? theyre being sarcastic