Believe it or not, there was a time when Tara Reid was hot. She had a classic scene in one of the greatest highbrow cult flicks of all time, and another in one of the greatest lowbrow flicks of all time. And then a little thing called the 21st Century happened, and it's been pretty much all downhill for Tee-Reid ever since.
This week, to cap off a totally botched and wasted decade, Tara's appearing topless in the new issue of Playboy. We haven't seen the spread yet (we like our breakfast just fine where it is—still in our stomachs), but we imagine it's pretty much what you'd expect from a pictorial of a woman known for her disastrous plastic surgeries—a Photoshop fest. And unfortunately, it's just the latest blow in what's been a pretty steady run of failure for Tara, as you'll see with our History of her Greatest Fails...
2003: MY BOSS'S DAUGHTER
• Tara and Ashton Kutcher proved that bad acting is contagious in this absolute turd of a movie that signaled the beginning of the end for her career as a halfway viable actress. But Tara gets an extra credit fail for self-awareness: as this scene shows, she was actually hot before she let every plastic surgeon in Hollywood go Freddy Krueger on various parts of her torso.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2004: NIPPLE SLIP AT PUFFY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
• Nip slips (and inadvertent vag viewings) are Tara's calling card, but what made her exposure at Diddy's 35th birthday party in 2004 so noteworthy was her utter obliviousness at the fact her left boob was hanging completely out of her dress. After multiple poses for the papparazzi, Reid was rescued by an alert handler.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2004: BAD PLASTIC SURGERY
• This is actually two fails in one: a) for getting the botched liposuction in the first place, and b) for actually going out in public in an outfit thatrevealsflaunts said surgery gone wrong. Tara obviously spent some time in front of a mirror before she had the tummy tuck, it probably would've been a good idea to step in front of one for just a sec before heading to the beach afterward as well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2005: TARADISE
• More or less conceding that she was unable to get acting work any more, Tara starred in this reality/travel show for E!, more or less conceding that she was unable to stand up any more.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2006: GETTING CLOWNED ON THE VIEW
• After (allegedly) getting her plastic surgery disaster fixed up good as new, Tara went on The View to chat with the old bitties about her new look. In the midst of recalling how her boob got repaired, Tara picked up a piece of paper to demonstrate the procedure, explaining "Say this is a piece of paper..." to which Joy Behar replied "It is a piece of paper Tara." Celebrity Rule #4080: If Joy Behar is cracking on you, it's definitely time to throw in the towel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2007: GETTING SMACKED BY AKON
• Tara was at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival for some unknown reason (it certainly wasn't to promote a movie), and waddled onstage at an Akon show while he was performing "Smack That." Well, at least he didn't body slam her.
2007: COMMERCIAL FOR AUSTRALIAN CELL PHONE COMPANY
• You could say that sharing time with an animated, talking Dodo in a commercial for a budget Australian cell phone provider is some kind of artistic nadir for Tara. But she's the only actress alive who could pull off the 10-second glassy-eyed grin needed for the spot, so you could also call it putting her talentsto good use.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2009: FALLING OFF THE WAGON
• Last year, Tara did a 60-day stint in alcohol rehab, only to be (seemingly) back on the juice again by last summer. We assume it's the alcohol that makes Tara's eyelids do that droopy thing, unless she's been cast to go full retard in I Am Samantha and we just don't know about it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2009: APPEARING TOPLESS IN PLAYBOY
• OK, so you've mistakenly swallowed a handful of lead paint chips, and you need to make yourself vomit, like, immediately. You can stick your finger down your throat, or you can look at topless photos of Tara Reid. Sure, everyone uses Photoshop, but this will truly test the bounds of Adobe's technology.
Links We Like
