Poor Rosie O'Donnell. Last week it was reported that she hasn't actually been living with her longtime partner Kelli Carpenter for two years, and now stories have come out saying that the single life isn't treating her well. We feel for you, ROD—being one of Hollywood's only openly gay celebrities can't be easy. Ellen pulls all the fly hoes!
Now, being the helpful gentleman we are, we wanted to help Rosie out. Clearly she needs to get back on the dating scene, if only for a rebound fling, so we dug up 10 openly gay or bisexual beauties who could fill Rosie's empty slot...
NAME: LEISHA HAILEY
PRO: She's hot, and has had much experience dating celebrity lesbians both in real life (she famously dated K.D. Lang), and on the L Word.
CON: She won't shut up about her fucking yogurt.
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NAME: LADY GAGA
PRO: Her career is red-hot, and she could give Rosie a much-needed fashion makeover.
CON: She may or may not have a penis. Not really a selling point for the lesbian set.
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NAME: JENNY SHIMIZU
PRO: This O.G. model chick knows how to handle the limelight. Rumor has it that she's had flings with both Madonna and Angelina Jolie.
CON: Let's be honest, even the most secure woman would feel a bit un-easy having to live up to Madonna and Angelina's sexual capabilities, not to mention their hotness.
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NAME: LINDSAY LOHAN
PRO: LiLo's new to dating girls, and who better to show her the ropes than an old pro like Rosie.
CON: We can't imagine Lindsay dragging Rosie to Hyde and doing Patron shots until all hours of the night, which is a pretty standard evening for her.
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NAME: KIM STOLZ
PRO: Who wouldn't want to have a hot model chick on their arms?
CON:Being a model means you're model-skinny, so being on top wouldn't be an option for Rosie.
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NAME: KRISTANNA LOKEN
PRO: Although she is best known for playing TX in Terminator 3, Kristanna has a softer side, telling an interviwer "the relationships I have had with certain women have been much more fulfilling, sexually and emotionally, than of those with certain men." Aw.
CON: In 2008, she married actor Noah Danby, before divorcing him a year later to date a woman. Stability might not be her strong suit.
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NAME: RACHEL ROBINSON
PRO: Rachel has been known to hook up with every lesbian possible on the Real World/Road Rules challenges, so it'd be an easy lay-up for ROD.
CON: All those drunken hook-ups on RW/RRs take it's toll on a body, and apparently a nose.
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NAME: AMBER ROSE
PRO: Amber is open with her sexuality, has said she is capable of being in love with a woman, and is super-hot.
CON: She's in love with the Complex homie Kanye West, and probably isn't going anywhere.
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NAME: LAUREN LAPPIN
PRO: Being that Lauren plays for the USA softball team, Rosie and her can re-enact scenes from A League of Their Own.
CON: We're willing to bet Rosie hasn't worked out since '87, and can't keep up with Lappin's morning runs. Fat jokes!
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NAME: TILA TEQUILA
PRO: Tila would be Rosie's EZ-pass into the reality show scene.
CON:Umm, Tila's fuckin' crazy.
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Mike Litoris November 25th, 2009 at 01:37 PM
and if all else fails, rosie can play with mike litoris!
me November 25th, 2009 at 08:29 PM
what about aubrey o'day, freja baja-erichsen, and ruby rose?
Devin November 27th, 2009 at 02:34 PM
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. I hope it's a joke.
emma November 27th, 2009 at 03:54 PM
I hope the author realizes that none of these ladies have anything in common with Rosie other than the fact that they like women. What's next? Hooking up LeBron James with Oprah because they're both black? lol
ken November 27th, 2009 at 04:54 PM
I think its tongue in cheek-- but i feel sorry for any of these ladies if they wind up with Rosie... I dont wish that on anyone !
Em November 29th, 2009 at 05:19 PM
This article is pretty bad! Is it just a list of the lesbians that sprang to the author's mind as it was being written?
FAIL DETECTOR November 30th, 2009 at 01:49 AM
This blog is FAIL.