The bar has the same cast of characters as the subway or gym, only 100 times worse because they're loaded on domestic beer and recreational drugs. Consequently, going out on a Saturday night is a drunken crap shoot in which you're just as likely to score a phone number as you are to catch a haymaker to the eyeball. To ensure that you have a working knowledge of watering-hole fuckery, here is a list of the neighborhood tap's the most bothersome personalities—from The Creeper to The Crying Girl.

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