4. Turtle Bay
Neighborhood: Midtown East
Address: 987 2nd Ave.
Type of douche: The "married but still creeping" douche
Walking into this joint is akin to committing character suicide. Why? Because you're gonna get douchey being in a room so dense with douchiness. The only reasonable excuse for taking this risk? The high likelihood of getting laid, which is stacked in your favor thanks to a staggering number of over-served women who place little stock in self-respect and, by the looks of the pace of their Jack Daniel's consumption, have chosen Ke$ha as their role model. Unfortunately, there is also a corresponding number of fresh-off-the-clock businessmen desperately working that, "I'm going to kick it to you even though you're visibly intoxicated and I'm married" angle. Welcome to a lose-lose situation.