A Field Guide to NYC Douchebags

The Wall Street, "I'm Still Wearing My Tie at 2 A.M." Douche

One-half Patrick Bateman, one-half Gordon Gecko, this dude believes the world revolves around him, and, in some sense, he is right. His natural habitat is either a swanky upscale establishment, or some massage parlor where he gets the attention he deserves. Either way, he is going to sexually harass the waitress while leering at your girlfriend and plugging women's phone numbers into his outdated Blackberry. He can buy you, but sadly, can't buy conversation skills. 

1. Thinking deeply about how he'll sleep at night, and suddenly realizes it's with two women on a bed of money
2. Expensive laptop, used only for Excel 
3. Over-priced drinks purchased for numerous women at the bar 
4. A loosened tie to denote he's a businessman, but he got off work hours ago
5. A black Amex he flashes at every opportunity

Related Douches: The Start-up Douche, The Eurotrash Douche

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