A Field Guide to NYC Douchebags

The Rustic Woodsman "I'm Not A Bartender, I'm a Mixologist" Douche

A new breed of hipster has arisen deep in the bowels of Bushwick warehouse apartments and candle-lit urban rustic bars. Though he dresses like Paul Bunyan, the callouses on his fingers have developed as a result of live-blogging, not wood-chopping. He is a man that dresses exactly like the members of Mumford and Sons, but would never be caught dead listening to their music. Hear him spew illogical opinions on all manner of artistic and cultural issues he knows absolutely nothing about as he makes you his signature $15 cocktail. At least, until he moves back to his hometown to become an English teacher next year.

1. Articles of clothing modeled after 1920s laborer
2. Literary/philosophical tattoo of trite quote, in cursive
3. Ukulele or mandolin for playing the worst folk music you've heard since Animal House 
4. Shitty moustache grown for a cause and/or contest
5. Cocktail shaker for making artisanal beverages
6. Suspenders that aren't actually suspending anything.

Related Douches: The Foodie Douche, The Bushwick "No Way Am I A Douche" Douche

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