Your Valentine's Day Gift, Decoded

Tech Toys

What it communicates: I want to have boring sex with you for the rest of our lives.

There are only three possible reasons for buying this gift. One, you're married. Two, you've been dating for so long that everyone thinks you're married. Or, three, you work at Google. While technology is useful (revelation of the year!), it's not a sexy or playful gift—unless it's of the sleek, elongated, and vibrating variety.

If you're getting her an iPad, yes, you're saying that you want her life to be simpler and more efficient. But, as a romantic gesture, it's lacking. It may be acceptable when you share a bed, a bank account, or a life insurance plan, but not so much when you're still figuring out how she takes her coffee.

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