A Scarf, Gloves, or a Hat

What it communicates: The thought of seeing you naked makes me queasy.

If there's any Valentine's Day gift that signals "let's be friends," it's a set of winter accessories. Even if those gloves are luxurious cashmere or supple leather, they're still reminiscent of something your mom would force-purchase for your high school girlfriend.

They're cuddly, warm, and way too boring to get you laid. In fact, they seem to imply you want to start hanging out fully-clothed from now on, preferably in large groups. Go ahead and buy a vanilla Yankee candle to pair with them—then she'll really get your point. Yawn.