13. Lucy's Retired Surfer Bar
Address: 701 Tchoupitoulas St.
Lucy's is the quintessential awful neighborhood-awful bar. The young and too-manicured professional, the moneyed, divorced now-bachelor, the suburbanite coming into the city, bro, to party—you name it, they're here, crushing vodka and energy drinks out of plastic cups, impressing ex-sorority sisters with creatine-fueled tales of general douchebaggery, all while shooting Jäger bombs faster than alcohol-poisoned Tulane Pikes on a mission to the ER. 2007's Top 40 R&B and hip-hop interspersed with as much Journey as you can stomach equals the most excruciating gathering of humanity in town. Uninvite yourself in advance.