13. Scholz Garten
Address: 1607 San Jacinto Blvd.
By almost all accounts, Scholz Garten is not a douchey bar. It’s actually a classic spot off the beaten downtown path with a huge outdoor back patio, great live music indoors and out, and great beers on tap at very reasonable prices. What forces it rightful claim to the douchey title is its proximity to the Texas State Capitol Building. There’s nothing worse than purposely subjecting yourself to an evening of politipuke. Both conservative and liberal blowhards will corrupt your ear with some lame story heavy on the name-dropping and the who-really-gives-a-shit. It doesn’t get douchier than Rick Perry's entire staff, all imbibing under the same roof. If pretentiousness had a home, this would be it.