The Girl Who Let Herself Go
Beauty fades, my brothers. Soon enough, the ladies of the homecoming court are going to look like the ladies on The View, and we're not talking about Elisabeth Hasselbeck. People always want to laugh at the women who once ruled the school when they retreat into a box of Krispy Kremes. Get over yourself, man. She got over the shallow depths of high school, started a family, and got a job. We're sure she's super bummed she can no longer pull off the sparkly thong sticking out of her PINK sweatpants that made it so hard for you to stand up after Physics.
It's not like you wouldn't have sex with her right now, if she asked.