Your Pubes Are Out of Control

Scenario: You didn't expect to get any action tonight, but suddenly that plan has changed. The only issue—you've been slacking on your upkeep. Okay, more than slacking—you've got a scouring pad situation going on down there.

Solution: There's nothing to be done right this second. Sure, she doesn't need you  baby-seal smooth, but a little trimming would have gone a long way. Now, she's going to end up coughing on your wayward pubes. Next time, resolve to do better.