99 Problems: Texting Issues, Cuffing Season Catastrophes, and Girlfriends Who "Get Around"

Short-Term Lover

I can't seem to get a woman to be attracted to me long-term. What should I do?

—Welcome to Heartbreak

I haven't been on a date with you, so I can't say for sure what it is you're doing to instill commitment-phobia in your dates. But I do know that anytime you see a pattern developing, it's time to get introspective. Ask yourself: What am I doing that could be turning these women off? If they're initially attracted to you, you must be doing something to blow that. Make an honest assessment: Would you date you?

If you rule out something off-the-wall weird, your issue comes down to one of two things: coming off as too interested, or not interested enough. It's possible that women are interested in a relationship with you, but you appear so aloof that they're unsure about how you're feeling. You can do this directly (by playing it too cool and saying things like, "I don't know if I'm ready to settle down") or indirectly (by not taking her on real [sober] dates, not listening to her, or projecting general indifference). 

On the flip side, you might be rushing the relationship by being too clingy and too emotional too fast, which will sets off warning signals in any sane woman's mind. Connections usually develop over time. As you spend more time together, you will gradually put more effort in and the progression will feel natural. Even if your dying to lock down a winter wifey, pulling out all the stops in the first three dates is not the way.

Instead, try letting things just happen. Project your interest, and be confident that the right woman will pick up on it. You're not going to have chemistry with every woman you meet. Be patient.

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