Have you seen my stapler?
He says: "My dick is definitely bigger than this stapler."
Your handbook calls it: Unwelcome sexual advances
She calls it: Fan fiction for yourself
Why you're wrong: Some part of you believes that illustrating your penis size in terms of office supplies might get her imagination going, and you're right. The second you drop a comparison, she'll immediately see the move for what it is—overcompensation. Stapler? More like an eraser head. If you're asserting your manliness in this way, we can only assume you're a little boy underneath it all.