5. Grand Central
Address: 2447 18th St. NW
Grand Central is the champion of Adams Morgan's douchey bars. Because of this, we recommend that you show up drunk so you're better prepared for the ordeal ahead. It's popular enough to draw folks from all walks of life to partake in the horrendously douchey festivities. The bartenders are generous with the liquor, which is a plus—you'll need that to cope with the boisterous Top 40 garbage oozing from the speakers. Make your way up to the top level to witness the numerous stories in the building, from desperate hookup attempts to horrendous dancing to some poor souls surely on their way to alcohol poisoning. As it's slightly more "upscale" than other Adams Morgan bars, this place drips with excess. Still, this place isn't "upscale" enough for bouncers to tell you that you can't wear your hat inside. They aren't catering to an elite clientele, for fuck's sake. It's almost as if everyone gets the joke too, but they don't care enough to do anything about it. Though we respect that, it doesn't save this place from falling under the guillotine.